Kaitlin
Dixon
Prof.
Cooper
CRWR 212
3/6/2014
Christian
Lineage
It’s a
Sunday morning service in a Southern Baptist Church with stained glass windows.
A small
child with bouncing blond curls is singing along with the invitation hymn.
She feels
a tiny tug from inside her chest and takes a small step.
She walks
down the aisle with hands shaking at her sides, looking from left to right with
wide eyes.
She knew
what she wanted but was nervous as she made it to the front.
The red
pew pillows and following eyes all filling her sights for a moment.
She takes
the preacher man’s hand and motions for him to get down on his knee.
Her eyes
trailed from the preacher man with his big bald head to her mom where she sang.
"I
have to tell you something" the little girl held up her small round hand
"It's a secret".
“I want to
talk to Jesus” she whispers in his ear “I want to give him my heart”.
He smiles
down at her and leads a quiet prayer with her.
As they
talk to God she feels a sort of warmth inside, she knows it means God’s hugging
her.
Her mom
smiles from the pew they sit at on Sundays.
She has
little water drops dangling from her eyes.
The little
girl crinkles her brow in confusion.
She moves
towards her, leaving the preacher man alone.
As she
returns to the pew she wraps her short arms around her mom's waist.
Her
mother's short red hair dangled in her eyes as she stared at her little girl,
still teary eyed.
“Mommy
don’t cry. I just want Jesus to know I love him like you!” she squeals.
Her mother
laughed and said “darling, these are not sad tears that fall.”
They
embrace and the day was filled with joy.
8 comments:
Hi Katie,
Your poem's theme of a child being drawn to faith is endearing and touching. Your use of literal language effectively captured the innocence of the child by describing her wide eyed wonderment of the church, and also by describing her confusion over her mother's tears. I think the use of dialogue in the poem added depth to it as the reader does not have to interpret what the child was thinking in church on this morning but rather hear it in her own words. I liked the metaphor of the warmth the child feels inside to being a hug from God.
Enjoyed this one much!
Denise Bateman
Hi Kaitlin,
This is such an inspiring piece,not only captivating because of your beliefs, but the precious innocence captured in childhood moments, not only offered us, your readers, but the narrator's mother who cries with joy.
This is such a powerful topic because anyone who is religious has an incredible lineage that is both communally shared, but also individually and intimately embraced.
I love the alliteration in "bouncing blond", "tiny tug", "small step". Also, you provide wonderful imagery with the stained glass window (although more specifics would be nice), the preacher's appearance, and the wonderful dialogue between mother and child concluding your piece.
You paint, quite well, the innocence of the child. You've lured me in enough to make me curious. What is she saying? What brought her to this moment?
I find this piece to be very well organized and fairly tightly written. Be sure to watch out for grammatical mishaps and details that don't necessary bring us any closer to the uniqueness of your moment. For example, the church had stained glass windows. Though I love the reference, what is so special or significant about them that you had to mention them?
Excellent work!
Prof. Cooper
Kaitlin,
I think your choice of writing about religious lineage was very well chosen. Religion has always been extremely important in family lineage and brings people together. While the little girl was walking down the aisle, I imagined her growing up and walking down the aisle on her wedding day. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but it added to the whole familial aspect. This is a very moving piece and had great details about a very specific memory. The visual imagery was strong, perhaps you could have evoked more of the senses? Also, I felt the ending was very vague for such a specific memory. Nonetheless, I think the strong images and details were very well done. Thanks for sharing! Great piece.
Claire Smithers
This poem was very beautiful; I was touched. I am not sure if this was on purpose or not, but I really liked how the first stanza ends with the word "step" and the each line in the stanza gets smaller in a shape of steps. I love the imagery you use in the poem, it really allows me see the story as if I was there. Last, the dialogue in this poem adds on to the meaning and emotion of this poem.
Loved it!
--Monique Ahmad
Hello Kaitlin,
This was a very touching and nice poem that was able to describe and depict your religious lineage. I like how you incorporate dialogue in order to make this scene more vivid and real. The tone of this poem is very enlightening and touching because it talks about how you are able to give yourself the opportunity to be with God and accept God into your life. I also enjoyed it when you mentioned "... she feels a sort of warmth inside, she knows it means God's hugging her" which incorporates imagery, allowing the readers to imagine and sense and think about that warmth. This line allows us to see the connection that you were able to establish with God your mother. Very nice work!
Deyanira Bustos
Kaitlin,
The story you told with your poem was wonderful. For me, it was your use of dialogue that brought it to life. I thought it was very realistically written, with a great use of literal language.
The imagery of the "water drops dangling" of her mother crying was beautifully done. You also have a nice use of alliteration with "tiny tug" and "bouncing blond."
I felt you captured the innocence of a child, and the undeniable pull a person can feel in a religious moment. I think the only constructive feedback I can give is to maybe elaborate on the little girl's experience even more.
Nice work!
Hi Kaitlin!
Your poem was very beautiful. Faith is something that is very important to some people, so thank you for sharing that part of yourself with us. I love the childlike quality of your work. The tone has an innocent, straightforward quality to it that I think really complements the piece. You also painted some very vivid images for us. I could literally see the little girl and the church. I also appreciated how you personified God for us in your descriptions. In fact, you personified your entire faith in making it a living, breathing entity. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful and heartwarming piece.
~Crystal
Kaitlin,
This was a really lovely piece. The dialogue did a good job of adding emotion. Your imagery was great how it describes everything so well. I liked the tone. It was innocent and calming which added a child-like feel to it. I really enjoyed this!
Rebecca
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