Keisha Strickland
Mr. Cooper
CRWR 212-Y
3/6/2014
The Hero
In a picture frame on the wall, the polished
medals of a hero glitter like stars,
Earned in a war fought long ago.
Hear the roaring cheers of the adoring crowd,
appreciative of the service, of the duty,
of the love for country of the man marching by in the parade.
At home no hero is he, who raises his hand
against the innocent who stand in his way,
protecting a mother thrown to the ground
Alcohol fuels the fire. Flickering,
burning with anger. Fear spreads just as
fast, and as fierce as any flame.
The tales of his heroics are passed down from
generation to generation. Articles are written,
and pride should be felt.
But scars are left on the flesh and
in the mind. The walls are scuffed and dented
with the violent memories of the past.
Where pride should be there is only
sadness, and a lingering question of what
could have been, if there had only been a hero.
8 comments:
Hey Keisha,
Your poem really struck a cord with me as I can relate to the devastation alcoholism can have on any family, whether or not it escalates into domestic violence. The emotional and psychological scars can cut as deeply as any physical wound, and it sounds as though both were going on in your poem. It is heartbreaking and I applaud your honesty in writing about it.
You had strong imagery in your work. I liked the "polished medals glitter like stars" and "roaring cheers of the adoring crowd" as I could easily envision this. The tone of the came across as sad and reflective as the narrator reflects on what could have been if the war hero had been as much of a hero to his wife and children. I thought the last line of your poem was a strong summation and honed in on the conflict of emotions between what the narrator wanted to feel for her father versus what she actually does feel - just sadness.
Denise Bateman
Keisha,
This piece broke my heart. This is a great piece. I love your choice to represent lineage and family history. This piece explains family history, along with telling a story and you used wonderful diction and imagery to tell this story.
My favorite stanza is the fourth:
"Alcohol fuels the fire. Flickering,
burning with anger. Fear spreads just as
fast, and as fierce as any flame."
Not only does your alliteration of F make this flow, but it really grabbed at my heart and made the pain come alive. While being angry at the protagonist of this piece, I also feel empathy for what he has gone through and why he chooses the bottle.
This piece said so much in so few words and was extremely well done.
Thank you so much for sharing this,
Claire Smithers
Hi Keisha,
This is a very compelling piece.
I love the difficult juxtaposition between hero and violent abuser. They are intriguing on many levels, on one hand the public vs. private, but all other binaries that exist within such a dichotomy.
Great use of simile with, "glitter like stars".
Consider altering the language slightly in the second stanza with the overuse of 'of'. It's important to be conscious of redundancy as it weighs heavily on the rhythm of a poem.
Also, wonderful use of alliteration in the fourth stanza utilizing 'f' sounds.
Excellent use of punctuation enabling enjambment and a fluid narrative within your poem.
I'm intrigued furthermore by the intimacy and the reveal here. Can anything more be said? Can you show us anything else about the intimacy of family, of what goes on within the walls? We just pass so quickly through the battered home, when it seems most apparent that that is where this poem comes to life, in the degradation of the hero.
Excellent work!
Prof. Cooper
I liked your use of simile in your description of the medals as looking like stars, since the man described is a star in certain ways. Here, alcohol is used as a symbol to draw the very thin line between being a "star" to be praised and a person struggling with inner demons. This is a familiar topic to me as well, and your feelings of pain throughout were palpable. Your use of enjambment helped the piece flow like a stream of consciousness. This is a powerful piece and your honesty deserves to be applauded. Well done.
Keisha, your piece this week was very open and revealing into the depths of your lineage. Your use of diction to present this piece was well chosen and represents you well. You used many powerful images and comparisons, including the dented walls that tell the story of violence to the simile of fear coming as fast as a flame. I feel that this piece connects well with many people who have been both directly and indirectly touched by the consequences of alcoholism and domestic violence. Your subject was a powerful one, not only to you personally but many others. Thank you for sharing this with us and good job!
Hi Keisha,
This story is very touching and emotional and I really enjoyed it. It shows a large part of your lineage and how you are so in-tuned with it. The imagery that you present is very interesting, strong, and powerful than allows to encompass your lineage more in depth. Your tone is very powerful. Your poem id very interesting and very strong in every way. Good job!
Deyanira Bustos
Hi Keisha!
I really admire your piece
this week. You were brutally honest and truly opened yourself up with this piece. That definitely takes courage and I admire that greatly. I felt like your use of simile hit home with how you compared the shine of the medals to shining stars. You descriptions definitely painted some very vivid images in my mind. The tone of the piece changed for me as I read it. I definitely picked up on how sad and fearful the narrator is. The shame is also palpable in this piece. This poem is very heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing it with us!
~Crystal
Keisha,
I really appreciated how brave you must be to share this. That takes a lot of strength and courage. Your use of imagery all thoughout to share the story was great. The justaposition was really effective between the abuser and the hero. The simile "glitter in the stars" was really great too. I thought the tome changed as I read and that was a cool effect. Great job!
Rebecca
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