Denise Bateman
Joseph Cooper
CRWR 212 Y
March 6, 2014
Inheritance
He was returned to the ground years before I took my first
breath, laid to rest
one cold November morn on a rocky knoll
overlooking the woods he loved, rain mixing
with grandmother’s tears and red Carolina clay
as both blanketed the homemade coffin.
I am told he was a quiet man, reserving his words for things
that mattered,
more likely to speak simply with a glance from his dark onyx
eyes, or a gentle gesture with
calloused hands that had hoed out a farmer’s living one
season to the next.
Outward appearance is only a fraction of a man. Underneath that unimposing exterior
beat the heart of a warrior, pulsing with the Cherokee blood
that fueled a restless
fever in his
soul, proud blood that now runs diluted through my own veins.
Looking in the mirror as the granddaughter he never knew, I
smile at my own reflection.
Strong cheekbones, ebony eyes, and raven hair – gifts passed
from him to me as surely as
my gypsy spirit was breathed into me by ancestral ghost.
This is my inheritance. As I walk the family
land, past the timberline toward his grave,
I hear him
call to me in the whisper of the breeze, or the rustle of leaves, and I speak his name aloud, assuring him he is not forgotten.
8 comments:
Denise,
I really enjoyed this piece. The tone was calming and reflective. I thought how you started this piece with a story of the death of your relative (grandfather I'm guessing?) and ended it with your own personal thoughts and reflections was really well done. I also thought your description of appearance, "Strong cheekbones, ebony eyes, and raven hair", was really well done. The images tied in with the tone of the rest of the piece along with creating great imagery. I think you did a really great job in creating tone and using imagery while still creating a story with a message.
Great job!
Claire Smithers
Hi Denise,
First off, I love the title. The immediate impulse is to consider money or real estate, but this clearly captures so much more, the humanity and the importance of remembering/reestablishing with lineage.
Your use of description, once again, is so utterly captivating, allowing us to engage more personally with you, your emotions, and your family history. Poetry, when written poorly, excludes us from such intimacy. Poetry, when written well, encapsulates us in the descriptions, details, so necessarily providing entrance.
This is a prime example of the balance necessary between telling your readers a story and showing them.
Your tone is so confident and secure, as you lead us through this narrative. Also, wonderful use of enjambment, and soothing rhythm throughout your story.
My only major suggestion is that you may want to consider shortening some of your sentences. For example, your opening stanza is an entire sentence, which is fine. Although if you add a period or two you allow your readers to pause, to linger for a moment on your wonderfully descriptive language. Remember, so much of poetry is meant for us to consider in the moment, so don't take away the singular of those moments.
Wonderful work!
Prof. Cooper
You used imagery really well in this piece. You paint a vivid picture of the ground into which the coffin was lowered and what your grandfather looked like. Even though the tone is somewhat sorrowful, it also communicates a fondness for the deceased relative. The ending stanza has the suggestion of a resolution. The narrator has made a rather sad situation into something hopeful. Great piece!
I love your use of imagery and nature in this piece. Connecting to your Native American lineage by connecting your ancestors to the rustling of leaves or the blowing of the wind is unique. I really like how you personified these items into the spirits of past lives. Your point of view really connected you to the readers and made them see what you see. I would definitely enjoy reading more about how nature ties in to your feelings and connections to your lineage. Great work and hope to read more soon!
Hello Denise,
I love your piece and the incorporation of the imagery that you use in order to describe nature and the people in the story. I also like the description of the mads and how he had "Cherokee blood" and his heart beat was that of a warriors in order to portray how passionate and proud you are of your family tree and ancestors. The tone that you display for this story is very prideful. Very good job!
Denise,
Your use of imagery is astounding in this poem. You do so many different things to provide description to the reader. For example, your use of personification in "the whisper of the breeze" is quite well done.
I immediately liked the title of your poem, as it made me curious about what the inheritance was. I like that the inheritance was not something one would normally think of as such, but instead the genetic traits passed to you from your grandfather.
The tone of this poem is quite subdued, but it has a beautiful, lyrical quality. Fantastic job!
Hi Denise!
Your piece is very beautiful! It was beautiful and unexpected. I must admit that the title of your piece was really intriguing. I, like most, naturally assume “inheritance” to be connected to materialistic items or the accumulation of someone else’s wealth. I really like how you transformed “inheritance” so that it meant something different. Instead of it being a cold, sad thing you turned it into a living, breathing entity. Simply put, you personified it and that was quite unexpected, good, but unexpected nonetheless. The tone of this piece was also interesting. It had a very subdued quality, but I do believe the lyrical way in which it was written really helped to balance out the tone. I hope that makes sense. The images you evoked were also very powerful. Great job!
~Crystal
Denise,
I really liked this. I thought that the tone was quite calming. I like how there's pride in the inheritance. It adds to the pride of the tone. You also used imagery really well. I could picture everything perfectly and it was wonderful. Great job!
Rebecca
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