Claire
Smithers
Joseph
Cooper
CRWR
212
3/6/14
Familial
Festivities
Every holiday is like
opening up Pandora’s box.
Bodies weave in and out,
voices fight for power;
Metal spoons incise family
heirloom iron pans.
Bread is broken; the
warm steam escapes as if it was trapped.
Wine is poured; the
flowing sound drowns the chatter.
Cheese is spread; the
smell of its age engulfs the room.
The intertwining paths
in the kitchen are a dance,
The steps seem
rehearsed through experience.
The intermingled steps are
like the roots in our blood.
Feast and festivity are a familial familiarity.
Laughter, cheer, dishes,
and drinks,
These are the
traditions that keep our English blood flowing.
10 comments:
Hi Claire,
I liked the imagery of connectivity that you used in your poem - the "bodies weave in and out", "intertwining paths", and "intermingled steps" brought to life images of a tapestry being created, and a slight pun on "close-knit" family comes to mind as well. Good use of personification with "voices fight for power", and nice alliteration in the line "feast and festivity are a familial familiarity". I enjoyed the poem and felt like I was in the moment watching your family enjoy the holiday.
Denise Bateman
Hi Claire,
This is a wonderful depiction of family ritual exploring, as you say, the dance of these gatherings.
Stanza two is particularly masterful, in that, not only do you provide us with an astonishingly vivid and descriptive simile, but a beautifully detailed personification in "flowing sound drowns the chatter", which also so delicately weaves internal rhyme.
I also thoroughly enjoyed how age engulfs a room, because it extends beyond the cheese, but the age in lineage, the history and continuation of these celebrations.
I was very impressed with this second stanza. It was so crisp, precise, and well-written.
That being said, I feel as if the final stanza somewhat drops off. It doesn't seem to have the same intensity as the opening three, sort of, too quickly concludes this festive and otherwise very explored experience.
I might consider elaborating, continuing to paint this beautiful and engaging picture you've begun.
Pandora's Box is also, though popular, a cliched reference.
Also, I think another title might be necessary. Perhaps, "The Dance"? Just a suggestion...
What about family festivities? Is there one occasion specifically you're remembering here? Who is there? What else happens?
Excellent work here!
Prof. Cooper
I really liked your use of the symbol of the roots of a tree in the last stanza; seeing the connectivity of all of the people at this gathering gives the reader a sense of the atmosphere of the party. Your use of figurative language when describing the bread, cheese, and wine is wonderful and stimulates the reader's senses. Your use of alliteration with "feast, festivity, familial, familiarity" are really good in terms of flow but also wrap up the piece nicely. Great work!
I love the imagery in this piece. I really enjoyed how you said the 'intertwining paths in the kitchen are a dance', the comparison is accurate in my family as well! Your choice of style served for the intelligence laced throughout your piece. I love how you used the symbol of roots by intertwining it with your blood. That was a unique connection that really caught my attention. Good Job!
Hi Claire,
I really enjoy your piece and I love the imagery that you incorporated into it when you describe "Wine is poured; the flowing sound drowns the chatter." It is very nice and I also like the incorporation of the simile's in your piece which describe your family and how the traditions are important. The tone also seems very cheerful and exiting Very good job!
Deyanira Bustos
Claire,
I really enjoyed the figurative language you weaved throughout your poem. There is wonderful description in this piece. I also really loved the the alliteration in the line "Feast and festivity are a familial familiarity."
I thought that was a good use of simile in the opening line, as well. I thought the overarching theme of your poem was the family familiarity. I thought explaining it as a dance, where it is so familiar it feels rehearsed, was a great way to describe it.
I very much enjoyed this poem. Good job!
Simile is used when describing the heat of the bread. This is also a metaphor for the tension during the holiday times. I love the diction used in line 6 with use of the word "cheese" and "age." Very clever!
This poem does a great job in talking about all the emotions in during a family gathering.
Hi Claire!
I really enjoyed reading your piece this week. It really reminded me of family functions, especially the holiday functions. It also reminded me of how bittersweet those moments truly are. In fact, I understood the tone of your piece to have a bittersweet feel to it, especially with your use of simile in the first line with how you compared them to Pandora’s Box. Pandora’s Box is known to have a negative connotation to it, so it really drives home the bittersweet tone with family functions being both beautiful and terribly chaotic and sometimes claustrophobic. You poem also inspired great imagery. It’s like I could see a family dinner unfold before my very eyes.
Thanks for this beautiful piece. I can’t wait to see more of your work in the coming weeks!
~Crystal
Hi Claire!
I really enjoyed reading your piece this week. It really reminded me of family functions, especially the holiday functions. It also reminded me of how bittersweet those moments truly are. In fact, I understood the tone of your piece to have a bittersweet feel to it, especially with your use of simile in the first line with how you compared them to Pandora’s Box. Pandora’s Box is known to have a negative connotation to it, so it really drives home the bittersweet tone with family functions being both beautiful and terribly chaotic and sometimes claustrophobic. You poem also inspired great imagery. It’s like I could see a family dinner unfold before my very eyes.
Thanks for this beautiful piece. I can’t wait to see more of your work in the coming weeks!
~Crystal
Claire,
I really liked the imagery throughout the piece. The parts that seemed to weave were really nice and created a great visual. Your diction was nice too. The reader was really dragged in by starting the piece off with alliteration wich got us into the fhythmic flow. Great job!
Rebecca
Post a Comment