Haven
The silence is only interrupted softly,
Branches rattling like bones from trees.
The wind rampages the landscape,
Over the rocks, through the faded leaves of grass.
The tainted hues of green and brown mix
Together in the most beautiful way.
The sun beams silently through the trees,
Reflecting on the water lapping at the bottom of the hill.
In the distance there are rolling hills following the water’s
edge.
Dark mud covers the shore that has lived there so long.
From the top of this hill, it all crashes down like a
waterfall
Composed of other elements, dragging itself into the murky
lake water.
In its depth, the water reflects the sunlight against the
nearly barren surroundings,
Dropping dots of pure light against the shadows beneath the
trees.
Ripples of movement through the air come from the wind.
Leaves, dust and flower petals float across the sky in a
multitude of colors.
There are small red birds, cardinals resting on an old
fence.
They sing to each other with the most beautiful words hidden
behind their foreign skin.
With every movement it becomes clearer.
Living and dead, purple or red, a connection still stays.
What is the connection from a plant to a bird?
It is the unspoken agreement, the truth goes unheard.
A circle remains unbroken by most
Simple creatures following the path of life, ever changing.
The bushes and trees rustle in agreement with the wind.
Birds fly and make their nests. Bees buzz a rumble within
their chests.
Today the sun shines and clouds escape the sky, retreating
to other lands.
The soft warmth and peaceful harmony in this place, serenity,
this is my haven.
All things connect, that’s what I have heard since birth.
Now I see it in the golden springing flowers to the bees.
One cannot be without the other, no beauty self-sustained.
Why must humans so much try to change?
10 comments:
Hi Kaitlin,
This is an excellent piece, one of your best to date.
You provide wonderful attention to form and detail in this magical poem.
I love the simile: "Branches rattling like bones from trees". It's so brilliantly brittle, so accompanies age, deterioration, and I just love the idea of branches exchanged for bones.
Also, great alliteration in 'rampages' 'landscape'...just wonderful sound.
In stanza 2 you say that the colors mix in the most beautiful way. What does that mean? Be sure to leave no stone unexplored.
I love that everything collapses into "murky lake water", the complete descent of natural elements flushed out.
I really appreciate that, for the most part, you have excluded the "I" from this poem. It becomes almost entirely observational, a painting, a recording of the scene around you which contains such a deliberate tone, such serenity, and you paint that scene so deliriously as if dreaming that I find myself as I read become a color on your pallet.
Oh, also excellent use of internal /occasional end rhyme. It's so subtle, which is really how I best appreciate rhyme in contemporary poetry.
My only criticism really is with the final stanza. You bring in this question, the notion of forced human change. However, the rest of the piece doesn't really embrace that concept so it feels a bit out of place. You provide a great connection with functioning natural elements and then of course you include animals and their place in that conglomeration. But I'm just not sure, unless this piece was extended or slightly altered (which I'd rather not see too many extreme alterations) then it doesn't really have a place in this piece.
Otherwise, well done!
Prof. Cooper
I love the poem imagines a beautiful surrounding with depth and has a very vivid imagery. Also I love the personification of plant and bird; you use a very rhythmic tone throughout the poem which makes it an easy read. It is interesting because it encompasses the five elements of fire, wind, water, air, wood while exploring life and death. This to me symbolizes a harmony within the circle of life. While posing the question at the end confronts the reader with the question, why can we not live within this harmony?
Thanks for sharing,
Jason Faulkner
I really like the transcendental nature of this piece, Kaitlin. It's quite magical and ethereal. I love your personification of the cardinals resting on the fence and "talking" to each other. It connects the birds and plants to the human world but also gives them their own separate world. I always like the dimension that onomatopoeia adds to a piece, so I took special note of your use of "buzz". It's kind of like imagery with sounds. You provide some lovely nature imagery throughout, especially in the line "Leaves, dust, and flower pedals float across the sky in a multitude of colors". They are contrasting elements, but they compose so many parts of the natural and contrived world. Lovely piece!
Hi Kaitlin,
Really beautiful work here. "branches rattling like bones from trees" is such a great simile...it catches the readers attention right at the start of your poem. You had such descriptive language - wind rampaging, water lapping, dropping dots of pure light...so very vivid and really paint a picture for your reader. I thought the tone of the poem was very reflective as you lead to your summation that all of life is interconnected and each thing has it's own beauty.
Nice work!
Denise Bateman
Hi Kaitlin!
I really enjoyed reading your piece this week! I really enjoyed the theme of connectedness that I found throughout the piece. You pointed out that nature is connected to everything around it and it enables pretty much everything to survive on Earth (even humans). That theme is very powerful and I’m glad to see that someone wrote about it. In all honesty that theme never even occurred to me. I also appreciated the tone of your piece being calm and even explanatory in some places. The theme, tone, and images you evoked combined to make a very powerful and beautiful piece that I really enjoyed. Great work!
~Crystal
Hi Kaitlin,
This work is very nice and entertaining. I love the imagery that you incorporate into the work. For example, the simile that states "Branches rattling like bones from trees". Bones are very thin and fragile just as branches are so this imagery is very eloquent. I love the tone of realism and how unity plays a great part of your piece, describing life and how everything belongs to something. Very good Job!
Deyanira Bustos
The harsh tone of this piece is very enjoyable. It gives us yet another new way of seeing nature. I like how you use simile to compare the branches to bones. It gives the readers a chilled feeling. The theme of everything on Earth being connected is very interesting. We can see this when you talk about the plants and animals having an understanding amongst one another.
--Monique Ahmad
Kaitlin,
I thought this piece was so interesting! You have beautiful imagery in this poem. I thought that your use of rhyme in some lines was also very well done. It didn't follow a pattern, but it added a nice cadence and rhythm to it overall.
My favorite part of this poem is the last two stanzas, where you introduce a theme of connection; a connection between animals and plants, and the connection of all nature.
I would have really enjoyed maybe one or two more stanzas exploring this (though I realize that would have made it a very long poem, and you probably didn't have the time before it was due), because I thought that was the most interesting aspect.
Very good job!
Kaitlin,
This was a really wonderful piece. I really liked the simile at the beginning, "branches rattling like bones from trees." You really captured my attention. That line is also great imagery since both bones ad branches are so delicate. I liked the theme of connection and how you introduced it in the last two stanzas. Great job!
Rebecca
Kaitlin,
This piece was so beautiful, I really loved reading this. I felt like I was truly sitting there observing nature. You make several observations that may not be instantly made by some people looking at a landscape. For example, you describe the mud and the origin of the mud in the last line of the third stanza,
"Composed of other elements, dragging itself into the murky lake water."
This piece was beautiful and I actually liked the ending of this piece. I felt like you were observing all of the beauty in the world and after you sat there for awhile taking in the nature, you began to question why mankind would disrupt this beauty before you had to leave and return back to your urban life. Great job!
Claire Smithers
Post a Comment