Anna Boyer
Cooper
CRWR212
March 13, 2014
Creative Work: Living Earth
The
start of the trail is marked by a small slab of concrete
Its
edges were long ago concealed by silt and pebbles but that is what nature wants
The
small rocks crunch pleasingly under my rubber soul.
Looking
up at the tapestry of leafy greens,
I
think of the age of these living ornaments, as my life has been for but a
second.
The
clean scent of damp soil envelops my nose, cleaning the dust from my brain
By
now, my soul is caked with red clay and mud, glinting in the buttery sun.
Pausing,
laying down on a damp pillow of leaves, I curl up into a ball
Somehow,
this is a reassuring way to contort my physical self
A
deep sigh pushes my body into the soft Earth and I slip to sleep.
From
my pocket comes an electronic dinging sound, ushering me to consciousness
I
stir my cramped muscles back to life and take a big stretch, reaching for the
treetops
They
reach back with their slender fingers, radiating a forgotten energy.
The
Earth is living in all its dimensions
My
clothing is soaked with the water that the earth did not want
The
air is chilly and the breeze stings my skin
An
electric yellow sun sits low in the sky, reminding me of the passage of time.
I
return to the start of the trail and to that grubby strip of concrete
The
beauty of that dirt becomes apparent to me, as more than the stuff that
blackens the nails
For
that day, I simply existed
And
it was grand.
10 comments:
Hi Anna,
Excellent detail and description of the scene your'e exploring.
I love the phrase "living ornaments" as it carries with it a celestial and flourishing celebration.
Also, wonderful use of maintaining form with your seven line stanzas.
What a wonderful juxtaposition to have you completely immersed in nature, having succumbed to its energy startled by your phone.
It's so sad, yet so incredibly realistic, to see such a profoundly meditative moment interrupted by life, and so sad to say such a thing, interrupted by life, as if pausing for a time to embrace nature is not life.
Consider adding more figurative language, incorporating similes and metaphors, perhaps even personifications to elaborate your observations.
I think you truly captured the essence of a nature poem, exploring the pastoral imagery, and the utter simplicity of your passage through time.
Well done!
Prof. Cooper
I like the metaphor of walking along and looking up it gives the personification of looking for something deeper. I always love the descriptiveness in your work, "red clay, buttery sun, damp pillow..." This makes the free verse easy to read. Also I the dimension of theme, from the binging of the phone to just wanting to feel presence and check out for the day. This is something that everyone can relate to as our technology keeps us from seeing what is right in front of us or it distracts us from beauty.
Thanks for sharing,
Jason Faulkkner
Hi Anna,
Your piece for this week was very delightful because of such beauty and positiveness in which you describe nature. Your tone was very calm and relaxed and your imagery portrays your surroundings as being very serene and enjoyable. I like the description of the "damp pillow of leaves" that you described because it is so eloquently built. It is able to describe the smoothness and softness of the leaves as well as how they are all bunched up together on the floor to form a "pillow" for you. Good work!
Deyanira Bustos
I really enjoyed your piece this week Anna! I enjoy the simplicity and comfort you brought into the piece through your diction and style. You used words that made the reader feel comfortable. I also love how you depicted the image of the leaves as a tapestry. I also like how you injected life into the nature around you and brought to attention how although different that us, that natural things still are living. Your imagery and the point of view used to approach it was nice. Your piece was reaching and powerful with your comfort in nature.
Hey Anna,
Oh, this poem so reminds me of one of my hiking partners...he never, ever puts his phone on vibrate and it irks the crap out of me when it beeps and blings when we are roaming the woods! Beautiful descriptions and imagery in this piece - the buttery sun, tapestry of leafy greens, red clay and mud. Nice personification of trees "reaching back with slender fingers". The tone of the piece is very reflective as you recognize the intrusion of electronic devices in your peaceful surroundings.
Nice job!
Denise Bateman
Hi Anna!
Your poem was truly magnificent this week. It really spoke to me. I feel like we become lost in the modern world in the everyday hustle and bustle of our lives. That’s what is so nice about nature. We can break away from the ties that bind and spend some time with nature. Something that is so beautiful and simple, but also huge and powerful. I really like how you personified the Earth. It is very much a living, breathing entity. The peaceful tone of the poem also helped the images to convey the beauty of nature. You did a great job!
~Crystal
Anna,
I really loved the theme of your poem. The setting is very beautifully described, and the moment where your phone rings interrupts the natural scene.
It reminds me of what we talked about in class last week, and I feel like that was what you were going for in that moment. It worked very well.
Your use of personification in "They reach back with their slender fingers" to describe the trees is one of my favorite lines. I think even more of that, and some more figurative language would really bring it to life even more.
Great job!
I love the onomatopoeia used in line 3. The sound of the pebbles crunching underneath your shoes is so well explained that I can almost hear it in my ears. Line 7 is so well written. wow! The metaphor you use to describe your soul is amazing. We can feel the pain in it. You do a great job in juxtaposing the gravel to the dirt. We can see the difference in the feelings you get when you are on the two separate materials.
--Monique Ahmad
Anna,
I really enjoyed your piece and how you described nature. You had such a calm tone. It had a great flow helped by the rhythm. I really liked when the phone interrupted the peacefulness of nature. Though that moment is disrupting, I liked the juxtaposition between the modern world and nature.
Rebecca
Anna,
I love how in the beginning you say trees are ornaments, your soul is caked in red clay, and the sun is buttery. To me, it seemed like you were describing a cake and party, celebrating life and nature. By describing how your brain and soul are being taken over by nature was beautifully done and helped me feel your connection to nature. Also, be careful of "Earth" versus "earth". Earth is the planet, and earth is the soil. I think napping in nature is such a beautiful reminder of how peaceful it is to become closer to nature. I loved your message at the end that was stated so subtly but it was clear what you meant. You "simply existed" in that moment. That day you were with nature was when you were human and alive, implying our urban man made setting isn't truly living to the fullest. Very well done, I enjoyed this piece a lot!
Claire Smithers
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