Anna Boyer
Cooper
CRWR212
March 6, 2014
Stanza Poem: Cynicism and Family Lineage
Uncle
Paul passed away the summer that I turned seventeen
How
can one be sad about the passing of a person they never knew existed?
My
cynical teenage mind wrestled with the idea as I filled a suitcase
Rolling
through the Shenandoah Valley like a darting silver beetle is a suburban staple
minivan
Virginia
humidity gave the tall grasses and taupe mountains a luster
Coming
to a hallowed family place for a eulogy made such beauty eerie
We
knew of the rural nature of the relatives in these parts
My
sister and I laughed a little, imagining overalls and cowboy boots
So
informal but give so much
The
gravestones stood grave and gray under the blazing Southern sun
A
green funeral tent was perched precariously on the cusp of a rolling hill
As
if it too was summoning feelings of sadness that didn’t come
Here
we all stood, beneath the rolling mountains that seemed to stretch forever
Celebrating
the life of a man whose personality couldn’t be nailed down
His
life was a mystery to many, and yet became so familiar to me
Paul
worked at the grocery store and kept to himself
Informally
and quietly giving so much and expecting so little
That
struck a chord in my cynical teenage heart
12 comments:
Hey Anna,
You had really strong imagery in your poem and very detailed descriptions. I liked the image of the green funeral tent being perched on the hill and it beckoning emotion from the attendees. Nice use of assonance in line "rolling through Shenandoah Valley like silver beetle is suburban staple minivan". I also liked the contrast of beauty becoming eerie under the circumstances of the funeral - that simple line reflects how all events in life are relative and subjective to context.
Nice job.
Denise Bateman
Hi Anna,
This is a very interesting piece for many reasons.
One, I find it interesting you use no punctuation other than a couple commas and a question mark. How do you feel the lack of finality demonstrated in a period affects your work? There are certainly some lines that command that finality, such as each line in stanza 2, but I'm curious why...hmm
Great use of simile with " like a darting silver beetle" and I love the image of nailing down a personality.
Though, I feel an extraordinary distance between you and the moment. It doesn't read like you care, like you're concerned at all, few details, little commentary about the experience. I don't know if this was intentional, but I really felt the 17 year old coming through the writing, someone too preoccupied with other things to linger on sorrow, i.e. the cowboy boots :)
This isn't a negative, just simply an observation.
Excellent use of enjambment when offered, but I'm wondering why capitalize first words of lines that are clearly continuations of the previous?
I wanted to know more about mystery. You finally get into his life in the last two stanzas and begin dishing details, but not enough. Elaborate a bit; decide whether this poem is about you or about him.
Excellent work!
Prof. Cooper
Professor Cooper, I didn't use any punctuation because it was more of a stream of consciousness type of work. Thank you for reminding me about punctuation; it would have added so finality. As for the tone of indifference, I was trying to write it as though I was a teenager again. It would sound different if I was writing it as my present self. It could definitely use some improvement, though!
Anna,
Your piece was very interesting to me. I thought it was unique how you were self critical about your teenage years. I loved the simile of the minivan and the beetle. Your third stanza was a bit confusing to me, especially the last line, "So informal but give so much" I'm not sure what you're trying to say here. I think some punctuation would have helped direct the flow of this piece.
Thank you for sharing!
Claire Smithers
Hey Anna, your piece was intriguing. I enjoyed your use of imagery and connected it to the emotional energy in the situation. Your mysterious and detached tones really make the reader relate to you. I feel that just about anyone can relate to your piece in one way or another. I love the reversal at the end where going from mystery, you share what you actually knew about the man you seemed so distant from. I would suggest adding more details onto the end to really bring a sense to the reader how you understood your uncle. I feel that your subject is something that many people can seriously connect to on the level that you are covering. Great Work!
Anna,
I liked the theme and idea of this poem. The juxtaposition of teenage cynicism and family lineage is a good one. I liked the details and imagery of this piece. I particularly liked the simile of the "darting silver beetle." It really stood out to me. I also enjoyed how you described the beauty of the setting as eerie given the context you were viewing it in.
I think more details either about the narrator's experience or your Uncle's life would add some clarity to the piece overall.
I really enjoyed it. Nice work!
Some of my comment got left out. I wanted to add that you had a wonderful use of imagery and alliteration in the same line with "stood grave and gray under the blazing Southern sun."
I thought it was a nice touch to illustrate the cynicism of the teenager (not many details since the narrator didn't know the Uncle), but at the same time show the appreciation for family that the teenager obviously felt at the end.
Hey Anna,
Your piece was really good and interesting. I enjoy the imagery that you portray in your piece and how appealing you make it all seam. I also enjoy the way you use your diction in order to describe everything in your piece. I lie how you also leave the person who passed away as a mystery until the end where you begin to mention him and recall who he was and what he was know for and the things he did. Good job!
I love the imagery in this poem. It made me remember having those moments as a teenager. I also loved the how in the first line of the fourth stanza you used alliteration with the letter "g." This made me feel the mood change from care-free to sadness. I also liked the repetition of the word "cynical" because it added on to the overall theme.
Hi Anna!
I can really appreciate your piece. It tackled the sensitive subject of death and how sometimes you don’t really know how to handle it. The teenage years are difficult because there are just so many things that are beyond comprehension, death being one of them. I appreciated the juxtaposition of your teenage cynicism with how your Uncle lived his life. The contrast was perfect, in my eyes anyway. Your use of alliteration is also great because it helps the piece flow really well. The images your words inspired were also very powerful. I could feel the hot sun and see the green funeral tent. It was a very intense read. Thanks for sharing it with us!
~Crystal
Anna,
I thought this was really good. Your imagery throughout is really strong. The simile " like a darting silver beetle" really caught me. I liked your lack of punctuation too. It made the periods seem really powerful.
Rebecca
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