Claire Smithers
Joseph Cooper
CRWR 212
2/17/14
Catfish
She never told us why until we were much, much, older. But I know why. I knew he cheated again. We stayed in a cabin in the woods. Well, it was more of a lodge. Everything was wooden. The buildings, the furniture, the art, the surroundings, the air, and the wooden deck on the side. There was a round pond with catfish in it, swimming ignorantly under the carefully placed lily pads. I was only 5 but I knew how to fish, of course I knew how to fish. I'm a Floridian, raised on a lake in a sleepy beach town. I rolled up the little ball of bread with my own spit and stuck it on the hook and dangled the makeshift fishing pole into the pond. The fish were used to eating soggy bread so of course it didn't take long to get a bite. When I showed my mom the catfish I caught that was wriggling on the end of the filament line making the wooden pole bounce, she gave me the smile she gives me when she's proud.
She was always so proud of me for being so mature for my age. I had to be, I was the youngest of four. I don't remember why the oldest, my brother Steven, was never there. I was always trying to be one of them. She took my pole and handed it to an employee of the lodge, who apparently brought it to the cook and I ate it. My mom never explained this to me. She thought it would ruin my innocence, but I knew. I was smart.
While it was being cooked, my sister and I found a creek next to the lodge. It was so clear and cold, I had never seen outdoor water so crisp. Being from the swamps, outdoor water was brown, slimy, and smelled like rotting goose eggs. I waded into the water, squatted with my knees to my ears, leaned forward and drank the creek water. I remember I could feel the coldness hit the pit of my stomach.
7 comments:
Hi Claire! Your piece was nice. I really enjoyed the imagery you used about clear the water was and how proud your mother looked. Your point of view was also unique, considering how you remember your life at that young age. I would like to suggest maybe clarifying some points in the piece, such as why other events are mentioned but not elaborated on. Can't wait to read more!
Claire,
I really enjoyed your piece. I like the juxtaposition of your point of view as a child, and how you tell the story as an older person now. The imagery you provided was great. I especially like your literal language of the cold water hitting the pit of your stomach. I could almost feel that one myself. I would have enjoyed you expanding on some of the details you mentioned in the beginning of your scene that don't get resolution at the end.
Great job!
Great story, I love the descriptions, however, I would suggest trying to make your transitions, flow a little better and adding more in-depth to the "She never told us why” Is the Catfish a symbol of bottom feeder? Also I would recommend transitioning the ending to flow a little better with the story; however, you did a great job with description and feeling.
Thanks for sharing,
Jason Faulkner
Hi Claire!
Thank you for sharing such a personal story with us this week! I admire that courage it takes to do that.
Your story was very interesting on many different levels. You painted very vivid images for us (the lodge in the woods, the water, etc.). I could see and almost feel the woods. I can also appreciate the juxtaposition between the symbolism of the catfish and your life at the time. The reason for being at the lodge isn't a happy one, but catfish symbolize creativity, fertility, good luck, happiness, knowledge, and transformation. I focused on the transformation meaning...did your life or circumstances transform after this? Did ingesting the fish bring good luck? I know that is a gross question, but I was curious. I also found the end to be interesting, especially since the water felt cold in the pit of your stomach. I took it to mean that the purity of the water wasn't something that you were used to, so it felt cold and unusual. Would that be fair?
Thanks for sharing! I can't wait to read more of your work in the coming weeks!
Hi Claire,
I enjoyed your piece and the way you go on to describe your child hood story. It is very interesting and I really like how you were very mature for your age. Very well done.
Deyanira Bustos
Claire,
This seemed like such a personal story. Thanks for sharing it. I thought you used wonderful imagery in describing the pond near the lodge. I thought you juxtaposed it well too, reflecting back to that moment as a child rather than writing it as if you were that child at that time. Your perspective now added good depth. The use of fishing as a metaphor for maturity was really effective because so many little kids I know find fishing to be gross. I am curious as to any further meaning of the catfish. Was there something about that certain fish that changed your view on life as a child? And what were your thoughts as you drank from the pond? Great job!
Rebecca
I love how you engage so many of the senses through the whole piece. The part about how eating the catfish could ruin your innocence is especially interesting. Do you think that perhaps this connects with your mother being proud of your maturity?Since humans contradict themselves all the time, I think this is interesting to think about!
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