Lexie Johnson
Cooper
CWRW 212
1-6-2014
There somewhereis a picture of me
Not the brown skin and
pink lips that you see
but the bravery,courage and strength
that's not seen.
We often look but never see
because the surface could sometimes
be intimidating
But there somewhere
is a picture of me,
found by someone who looked to see
more than just physical beauty.
9 comments:
I really like your contrast between the interior and exterior self. Do you think that the interior self is sometimes softer since the surface is intimidating?
I liked the rhyme you used in this poem. It was very simple but made it enjoyable to read the poem. The line about being "intimidating" was very interesting because it was different than all the other lines making it a lot more powerful.
--Monique Ahmad
I enjoyed the meaning you put into your poem! It really shows that you want to be seen as more than your physical appearance, and that you value what you hold dear to you. I would suggest that in the last half you keep the length of the verses the same. I enjoyed reading, but it kind of threw me off a tad when I got used to one pattern then it switched. Otherwise you did an amazing job!
Hi Lexie,
Very stark and confident work!
Wonderful use of rhyme here, but I'm wondering if it adds to the overall quality of the work. Do you think it changes the piece at all to eliminate the end rhyme and insert internal rhyme instead?
If the focus of this work is to deter readers from your physical appearance it might be valuable to explore the intimacies of your internal self. You mention bravery, courage, and strength but try moving beyond simply stating these facts, and painting a picture for us by exploring specific situations that might demonstrate these characteristics. Your readers may need help envisioning what these attributes mean to you.
Who is this person who looked for more than just physical beauty?
Why are they necessary to the piece?
Why not include them more?
Excellent work here! Be sure to elaborate and more concisely explore the inner workings of yourself. Expose a bit more here.
Prof. Cooper
I enjoyed the use of rhyme in this poem. Really liked how your piece reiterated what we all know...that physical beauty is only skin deep and it's the person below the surface that is important.
Denise Bateman
Lexie,
I enjoyed the meaning of your poem. Often times people judge only by the outer appearance, and don't bother to get to know who we really are. The rhyme added a sense of rhythm to your poem that I enjoyed. Good job!
--Keisha Strickland
This analogy is true our first impression of someone is always exterior until we ge to know what the true interior person is like. The intention is great, thanks for sharing.
Jason Faulkner
Lexie,
I really liked the contrast between your inner and outer persons. I also liked how at the end, it seemed like people have to work to see that inner you. The rhyming was simple and I thought it flowed really nicely.
Rebecca Moore
Hi Lexie!
I really liked how you contrasted between your interior and exterior self. The outside is what we all see, so that is what people always judge us by, but that isn't what matters. The inside is matter, but very few people ever take the time to get to know us so intimately. Great observation! Come to think of it...great analogy!
I also enjoyed your use of rhyme. It really helped the flow of your poem. It was nice. Plus, it gave me a great example of how to rhyme effectively....great modeling!
I can't wait to read more of your work in the coming weeks!
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