Mr. Cooper
CRWR 212- Y
2/27/2014
Music Major, Minor Problem
The notes dance
Around her.
She sings them from
Her shower.
The music beats
From her room,
Her doom?
Why a music major
Why, do you want to starve?
She laughs with the notes,
Makes silly music puns.
The disapproval she can’t hear
Over the melodic hum
Of the chorus.
Their voices rising high
Above the raucous
Noise of life.
Her music brings
Light to every
Soul who hears.
Let the bells ring
Ding,
Sing.
9 comments:
Hi Keisha,
I thought your title was genius! It immediately caught my attention and told me what the subject of the poem was going to be. I loved the "major,minor" play on words. Good imagery with "notes dance" and "music beats" - made me able to visualize the music as having a life of its own. I thought the line "noise of life" was powerful choice of wording, as music does surround each of us, in differing forms and genres, and is open to interpretation - what one might enjoy as music could be seen as just noise to another. Nice rhyme in third line of poem with "room" and "doom". Sidenote: I applaud your courage to pursue to major of YOUR choice - those of us that end up being able to make a living in life from the thing that is our passion are fortunate indeed. Nice poem!
Denise Bateman
Hi Keisha,
First off, I loved your title...excellent play on words.
Also, you accomplish the use of line breaks wonderfully, incorporating enjambment and attention to prosody.
I wonder why each line begins with a capital letter even though each line is not the beginning of a new sentence. That is an older style that is not commonly practiced in contemporary verse.
Excellent use of alliteration with "music major, minor..." and use of rhyme with 'room' and 'doom'.
I wondering how you can make this piece even more musical, perhaps altering the form so that your words become musical notes on music bars. Also, consider elaborating more, and providing more figurative language and descriptive details to accompany this already very delightful piece.
Well done!
Prof. Cooper
I love your piece, and really enjoyed reading it. I love your personification with the notes dancing. I really enjoy how you worked in the notes to represent a friend to the girl. I enjoyed your use of diction and style to portray the way you wanted the reader to see your piece.
Hi Keisha!
I loved your piece this week! I think it’s something that a lot of people can relate to, especially those who study the fine arts.
First all off, I really appreciate your use of personification. I love the thought of the music notes dancing around her. Plus the imagery that the personification inspires is powerful and it brought a smile to my face. I also loved your use of rhyme and alliteration. Good job!
I look forward to reading more of your work in the coming weeks!
~Crystal
As the sister of a music major, I really enjoyed this piece! I liked your use of rhyme with "room" and "doom", especially since it leads into the next thought. I also like the idea of the music notes as the girl's friends; great use of personification. The music notes, as an abstract thing, are like a symbol of what makes this character truly happy and of what "brings light to every soul". Good job.
Hi Keisha,
I loved your work and how interesting it was. I love how you are use personification in order to evoke life into music by stating in the fist line, "The notes dance around her". It seams almost lively and very interesting. You also incorporate personification when stating how "she laughs with the notes". You also state how music "brings light to every soul" which states how powerful and amazing music can be. Very good job!
Deyanira Bustos
The tittle was very punny;I liked the play on words. I also like how you use personification when referencing the life style you live as a music major. I also like how you used onomatopoeia to describe the sounds of your "major." I think it was a very good way of describing it. Very clever!
--Monique Ahmad
I like the rhythmic aspect of the poem, while conveying the image of passion over material. This conflict is one that is very relatable to readers. The denouement shows that the character chooses passion and should make lots of people smile.
Thanks for sharing,
Jason Faulkner
Keisha,
I really liked this! When I read this, I almost had a photograph or snippet of film in my head playing. I loved your imagery that showed actions, like dancing. I think this is a great inspirational piece and should be shared! As an Art History major, I, too, get a lot of questions when it comes to my plans in life so had a good laugh with this piece. This piece evoked a sense of passion for music and it was wonderfully done. Perhaps play with the imagery of sound more and go into some detail?
This was great, thank you!
Claire Smithers
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