Rebecca Moore
Joseph Cooper
CRWR 212
2/27/14
Natural Anguish
Two weeks
out my mood changes. Yes, I’m fine, stop asking. Just a slight mood change,
nothing much. Slight crabbiness and lack of patience. One week out and it’s
worse. Don’t touch me. Don’t talk to me. Don’t breathe around me. I will snap.
You can bribe me with drugs and red meat and chocolate though. I’ll be friendly.
Promise. 2 days out and I want my cat. Not for love or comfort. Purely selfish.
Cuddle me, on my abdomen, be my living heating pad. I will love you forever. During,
fetal position. It’s over and I’m all sunshine. Two weeks later, it starts
again.
10 comments:
Hey Rebecca,
Woman you made me laugh with this poem! Such truth, such truth! Obvious subject that we as women know too well; unfortunately for our men they know it too because of our Jekyll/Hyde mood swings. Loved that your poem's tone mirrored the cyclic changes of the month, starting with the slight mood change then morphing into a down-right emotional terror, then a needy period with you nesting with your cat (loved the image of the cat being used as a heating pad!), and then momentary relief with all sunshine and happiness, and it all starts again! Loved this poem - you captured this well.
Denise Bateman
Hi Rebecca,
I loved the honesty and and unforgiving Realism of this piece. I enjoyed that you seem to incorporate a dialogue with only your reply, as if the person asking the questions doesn't matter, that their very presence is erased from your memory/poem.
Personally, I'm always as fan of instruction or commands in poetry, sort of telling your readers what to do. As an author you have very little control over how much influence you have over readers, but the use of commands are somewhat a last effort at making your point.
You have this opportunity to expose the physical/mental/emotional realities of femininity here, so I might recommend incorporating more poetic/figurative language here. You've told us about your anguish, but how can you make us feel your anguish? How would you describe it, especially to a man?
In addition, consider maybe a four part prose poem that changes as your mood and condition changes.
Excellent work!
Prof. Cooper
I love this piece! It's so true. Repetition of the word "Don't" really helps explains how you feel about most things around you. I like how you juxtapose the first half of the poem which describes what irritates you to the second half which explains what pleases you. The allusion to the "fetal position" makes us all realize what truly comforts you. Great work!
--Monique Ahmad
Hey Rebecca, I liked the way you used your diction in this piece. The simplicity of how you wrote about your mood and expectations really added to the tone of the work. I enjoy how you took from the minds of so many women and expressed what they want to say. I like the flow of the work and how the image of what you want work together to show the reader what is happening.
Hi Rebecca!
I LOVED your piece this week! It made me laugh so hard. It’s definitely the cold, honest truth though. You also gave it a somewhat comical tone, which was great.
Your flow was great (the word I’m looking for is diction...?). The question/answer followed by a short statement was a nice flow. I also appreciated your use of tone. Sometimes it was comical and other times the aggravation was palpable. I also liked the conflict in the piece. There are two types of conflict: you vs. Mother Nature and you vs. the world.
Great job here and I can’t wait to read more of your work in the coming weeks!
~ Crystal
Hi Rebecca,
I like how you are able to describe what it is like for a woman to be on their menstrual cycle. It is time of a lot of fatigue and where everything seams to be aggravating due to the pain. I like how you repeat "Don't..." in order to state what it is best not to do in order to keep us calm. I'm sure every woman can relate to this because all of us go through it. Good Job!
I loved your variation of tone throughout the piece: it starts off irritable, moves into self-pitying, and finishes with happy relief. It's so true! In addition, I love the literal language that you use to describe when you use your cat as a heating pad. The last line does lend itself to foreshadowing, representing the vicious cycle. Good job!
Rebecca,
I chuckled out loud when I read this piece towards the end. You couldn't have captured this natural cycle any better! I love how short and snappy this is, it adds to the feeling of the narrator. This piece is brilliant, taking a miserable time and making it humorous. The only change I would make is you said "two weeks" at the beginning then towards the end you wrote out "2 days", just keep this consistency.
Thank you!
Claire Smithers
Interesting piece, while I'm not a women I can sense the caesura after, "Yes I'm fine, don't touch me." There is definitely no lack of irony or understatement; I believe lots of readers can associate with the piece.
Thanks for sharing,
Jason Faulkner
Rebecca,
This poem made me laugh. I think most women can relate to this. The tone of the whole poem is quite comical, but you also establish a great rhythm throughout.
I liked the phrase, "be my living heating pad," and the repetition of the word "don't." I thought you did a great job with your poem. I really enjoyed it.
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