Anna Boyer
Cooper
CRWR212
February 11,
2014
This
Is A Photograph Of Me
“A
Vintage Original”
That
is how I have been described on social media
How
do these words fit together to create a person?
Vintage:
a term used to describe something old-fashioned yet quirky
Like
that kitten china set in your Grandmother’s kitchen
I
am devoted to the classics as well as to the unique
Original:
a term used to describe a thing that has never been seen before
Unassuming
Oh,
how I wish that were true for me and my ups and downs!
To
never be a copy is a noble goal, but it is also the greatest challenge
On
the inside, I am a rock star.
Never
afraid
Always
have a hand positioned in that symbol with the index finger and pinky finger in
the air
On
the outside, I am so normal
I
am all red hair falling out of a ponytail and skin flushed pink from activity
I
do not live up to June Cleaver’s womanhood
So
what to do with these two sides battling it out?
Look
closely.
I
wear dark jeans, black boots, a loose top, my hair in a hurricane-swept style
Look
closely.
The
two pieces of metal puncturing the tender, pink, curved top of my left ear
These
are the inner self peeking out, daring to make an entrance.
“A
Vintage Original”
Quirky,
a little old-fashioned
Much
of the Self still dwells under the surface
Inner
and outer can finally make peace. Maybe.
8 comments:
Hi Anna,
This is a wonderful expression of you.
I do have a few suggestions. You’ve inspired a comment that I see in many young writers, the notion of show vs. tell. You have told me many wonderful things about yourself, but I’m wondering how you can show me more. You define vintage and unique, but how can you paint the picture more concisely? Do we need definitions? Can you trust us to have that knowledge?
Is there a single moment that you can capitalize on that would exemplify this vision of you?
I love the active vision of “hurricane-swept style” and the vivid imagery of the piercing. It truly makes me feel the puncture.
I might say that in revision of this work consider titling it “Vintage Original” as it seems to provide a better explanation of you.
I love the invocation and deflection of June Cleaver. Are you battling an attraction to that persona in this piece/life?
In terms of format, I might consider using a social media format since that is how you first introduce others’ perceptions of you. How might this look in text speak?
In terms of two sides battling it out, consider writing your poem in two columns. One column “normal”, one side “rock star” and explain, or simply provide images as explanation.
I do think it necessary to reduce to a singular moment. What is the moment you realized you were a vintage original? Clearly it’s more than appearance, so what moment in time brought you there. In other words, is all this language necessary to the integrity of the piece?
Provide more figurative language, metaphor, and such to encourage the scene. Again, just to reiterate, you have told us wonderful things here, but consider more so how you can show us who you are.
Excellent work here!
Prof. Cooper
Anna, I thought this was absolutely wonderful. I wish you'd added a bit more, but your use of language here really does show us about you.I love the imagery used to describe you, and I'd love for you to add more.
I would like to suggest that maybe you use some personal experiences in your piece, or even extend it by diving into the kind of 'war' that your surfaces are in.
I can't wait to learn more about you and hear more of what you have to share.
I really loved your approach to this piece!
Anna,
Loved it...so much here that I personally can identify with. Very good imagery. Loved the June Cleaver reference! Feel you clearly showed the ongoing battle we face in reconciling who we really are inside, our true self, with the persona that we often portray to the masses.
Denise Bateman
Anna,
I like your descriptiveness. It helps the reader better understand the meaning. I also like how you broke up with poem. It created a more story like scene.
--Monique Ahmad
Anna,
I love the literal language of this poem. I feel like I actually know more about you from reading this. You also provide distinct imagery in certain lines that I really enjoyed (the line about the ear piercing). The simile you used to describe vintage ("Like hat kitten china set in your Grandmother's kitchen…" was very effective. I really enjoyed this poem. Good job!
--Keisha Strickland
This is a paints a great vision of one's self and an image of confidence. Great intention
Thanks for sharing
Jason Faulkner
Anna,
I loved all of your imagery. The struggle between the person shown to the world and the inner you is one that most people face and I loved that you addressed that hear. The simile is great too, not just because I’m a cat person, but I also thought it really worked here. Good job!
Rebecca Moore
Hi Anna!
I really loved your poem! The imagery was powerful! I also loved your wording...it seemed very deliberate. You poem is very powerful for many different reasons. I think it tells us who you are and also who you wish you could be. I think it also tells us how you compare to ideals of womanhood (like June Cleaver). Most of all, it shows us who you hope to be in the future.
You captured a battle that I think we all have to go through which is who we are compared to who we wish we could be. I think most people find themselves lacking. It's hard to win that particular battle. I liked how you captured that in your poem.
You told us a lot, but I wish you would have shown us a little more, however, for me, that didn't take a lot away from your poem. It was still beautiful, powerful, and poignant.
I really enjoyed reading it and I can't wait to read more of your work!
~ Crystal
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