This Is a Photograph of Me
By: Monique Ahmad
Monique Ahmad
Cooper
CRWR 212
February 6, 2014
The painting is simple and plain,
with only a mere Blackbird
in the blue sky.
Feathered black on the smooth blue.
The Blackbird stands out
with its rough feathers and
its sharp beak. The blue sky was
always unchanged and never ending in all ways.
I look closed to the abnormal creature
in the monotonous scene.
The bird moved just as the sky
with the same rhythm and flow as the clouds.
It sways in the same direction as all the rest,
realizing it is the same as its surroundings.
The Birds has no abnormality at all;
it only had its own way of moving
amongst the blue. The feathers:
They protect it and give it confidence.
It is the boldest creature
amongst all the sky.
8 comments:
I love this; it's almost like a song. Your use of the image of ruffled feathers and a sharp beak created a scene of frustration but that was softened by the bird soaring with confidence.
Really enjoyed reading this work. I enjoy how you used the image of the bird being one with its surroundings. It really shows that although the two are astoundingly different, they fit together in a distinct way.
Hi Monique,
Excellent use of couplets and quatrains, and your descriptions are wonderful!
First off I want to say what a lovely poem this is. I do have a few comments/questions for you:
Why is blackbird capitalized?
What do you mean by "I look closed..."?
I'm wondering why you describe the scene as monotonous, because that usually implies a negative whereas this seems rather pleasant.
I'm wondering if abnormality is the word you intended. It seems out of place to describe a bird that one can envision rationally in their mind.
If the blackbird moves just like the sky with the same rhythm, how can it have its own way of moving?
I do love the "boldest creature" because I wonder if it's because of color, some sort of mythic history, or furthermore some personal connection that I haven't discovered yet.
Excellent work here! Consider clarifying, expanding, and editing for consistency.
I do have to ask myself how this is a photograph of you. Could this be simultaneously a photograph of all of us?
Well done!
Prof. Cooper
Love the strong imagery! The contrast of the blackbird against blue sky...I agree with Kaitlin's comment that you did a great job of showing how two things can be very different in their own way yet work in harmony with each other. Really beautiful!
Denise Bateman
Monique,
Your imagery was really beautiful. I also really like the alliteration and the way the line "Blackbird in the blue sky" sounds. It just rolls off the tongue, and I think your poem would sound lovely read aloud. The way the stanzas are structured makes it almost look like lyrics to a song. Good job!
--Keisha Strickland
I like the expression of feeling throughout the poem as it paints an image of what one might seem as abnormal is normal. I also like how you paint the bird flowing through life and the imagery in the birds movements as it relates to life.
Thanks for sharing,
Jason Faulkner
Monique,
Starting off, I really liked your description of different textures in the first stanza. All of the imagery was really effective but the textures were my favorite. I felt that your punctuation was very poignant. I loved the point that Lexi made by saying that the blackbird represents your hijab. I’m so curious to learn more as to why this is.
Rebecca Moore
Hi Monique!
I really enjoyed reading your poem. The imagery was quite powerful. The blackbird was beautiful, yet ruffled, which seemed to frustrate the narrator a great deal. I also liked how you contrasted the black bird with the blue sky.
I don't know if you intended the black bird to be symbolic, but it does symbolize many things. Black birds typically symbolize secrets, the light vs the dark, awareness, and intelligence (I pulled this from one of my high school AP lit classes). Are you like the black bird in that you keep your secrets and are intelligent and aware? I also think the sky could be a metaphor for the vastness of life. Would that be accurate? Are you trying to convey how...big life is and that all anyone can do is go with the flow (much like the black bird who flies with it)?
I hope my questions didn't confuse you. I could have been way overanalyzing it, but I thought they were worth asking.
In any event, I loved reading your poem. It was very powerful and well put. I can't wait to read more of your work!
~ Crystal
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