Crystal Fulp
Cooper
CRWR 212Y
3/6/14
Always
Do Better
As a little girl I can remember
watching mother get ready for work.
She was always work, work,
working; sometimes more than one job.
As she was running out the door
she would yell, “Always do better!”
Throughout the years things never
changed.
She always worked and I barely
saw her.
Late at night, long after my
homework was done, she would come and say, “Always do better.”
The older I became the more
mother worked.
I would clean the house, do the
laundry, work, and get straight A’s.
She would come home tired, smile
and say, “Always do better.”
I thought I was doing better by
graduating high school.
I would be the first to do so in
my family.
After the ceremony she held me
tightly and said, “Always do better.”
I then took off to college, which
was another family first.
I remember her saying how proud
she was of me, she always so supportive.
At the end of every semester, no
matter the grades, she would say, “Always do better.”
Now it’s my senior year of
college.
It’s been a long and tedious
journey full of lost time, sweat, and tears.
Mother’s message has remained
unchanged, “Always do better.”
Now, I think I can finally see
the light; I also understand.
All she wanted was for me to do
better than she had done.
The other day she finally hugged
me and said, “You’ve always done better.”
9 comments:
Hey Crystal,
Your poem is very touching and speaks to what most all mothers want for their children - a life better than what they had. I liked that you used literal language in your poem, just simply stating what was without adding any flowery additions to it. I think this supports your title and theme based upon your mother's constant mantra of "always do better" -- three small words that pack such an impact. I think the tone of your poem shifts as the poem progresses through the timeline. First the narrator is perhaps a bit sad and frustrated that her mother always expected her to "do better" no matter whether she was getting good grades and helping with the housework and completing family firsts with education. Then the tone shifts near the end of the poem to finally one of understanding and appreciation of her mother's insistence on her achieving better things.
I enjoyed this one!
Denise Bateman
Hi Crystal,
This is beautiful!
I truly believe you've captured the essence of poetry here, the singularity of a moment amplified through human expression into a universally comparable experience that lingers in our hearts and minds.
I love the use of repetition in your mother's dialogue. Sometimes repetition becomes redundant but your use of this line carries through the poem so effortlessly, which demonstrates furthermore the irony in its use in that you struggled tirelessly for affirmation/acceptance/etc.
I think it's challenging to consider every milestone hit with, not necessarily disappointment, but the knowledge that you had not yet reached the summit. However, that final stanza brings us home so cleanly, so happily, in that we've wanted it for so long.
Though I love this piece, I think it can be extended, opening more doors into the personal struggle, the longing, the wonderment in why doing better always mattered. This can be done simply by weaving a line here and there, sifting more figurative language throughout your delicately laid literal realities.
Then again, this is just so lovely, with such a deliberate message and tone that maybe it's fine as is...
I am interested to know why every line ends with a period, why no thoughts or experiences carry through to the following line or stanza. Just wondering...
Excellent Work!!
Prof. Cooper
Crystal,
Wow, I really really enjoyed this piece. As a reader, I followed this story closely and felt a connection as you traced your memories back as a child until you're where you are now. The repetition of the phrase, "Always do better," was really touching. I almost felt like this was the sad/touching beginning of a Disney movie. I can easily relate to this piece, always feeling like I need to make my elders proud. Be careful about using periods at the end of each line, it sounded like some lines were one sentence or thought but were interrupted with a period. This piece was really very well done!
Thanks for sharing,
Claire Smithers
I really like your repetition of the phrase "Always Do Better"; it mimics figurative language in that it changes meaning throughout the piece according to context. Due to the changing context of the phrase, the tone changes as well. At the beginning, the narrator, speaking of herself as a young girl, brushes aside her mother's words. As the piece progresses, she takes the words to heart, ultimately understanding her mother's want for a better life. The theme is the piece is that of a personal struggle, something that everyone can relate to. This is a lovely piece and I look forward to reading more!
Hi Crystal! I really enjoyed the imagery you used to describe your relationship with your mother. The flow of how one flashback leads to another in the plot of your piece makes the reader understand more about you. I also like how in the end there is a sense of recognition of how you have pleased your mother and made her proud. I liked the theme of pride and striving to do your best at everything. Your piece reminds me of how my mom and I are towards each other. Good work!
Crystal,
This poem was so heartwarming to read. I thought you carried out the plot of the beginning, middle, and end very well. I liked that there was a solid conclusion to the poem, as it felt like I had just been told a wonderful story.
I adored the alliteration of the "work, work, working" in the first stanza. I felt it captured the feeling the narrator had as a child; it was written the way a child would say it, if that makes sense. Great use of literal language throughout, and the repetition of the dialogue really drove the poem's momentum to the beautiful conclusion.
This is such a heartfelt poem that I have no suggestions for changing it. Maybe it show it to your mom? I bet she would love it. ;)
Hi Crystal,
This was a very emotional and touching piece that you did for this week. I like how you describe the distant yet loving relationship that you and your mother had through the use of flashbacks. The tone of your work seams to be wise and also very curious. I really enjoyed how at the end you are able to come to an understanding of what your mother was trying to tell you and that sweet moment where she told you that you had always done better. This was a very sweet and touching and I really liked it. Good job!
Deyanira Bustos
This poem was beautiful!
Their is a use of assonance with the letter "a." Starting from the tittle to the very end we hear the "a" sound. This creates great flow throughout the entire poem. Exposition it well set and allows to have all the background information as we need. There was no climax, but we could see the complication throughout the entire poem.
Crystal,
I liked the excited tone of the poem. It made this really easy to relate to. The diaglogue was great how it became ironic towards the end. I also liked the alliteration in the first stanza. It made her seem so busy. Great job!
Rebecca
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