Rebecca Moore
Joseph Cooper
CRWR 212
3/6/14
Being Irish
Across the sea they came
Escaping what had been the same
Survival was the game
The family craft was sculpting
Solid rocks and carving
Celtic crosses in the making
The Catholic ways grew old
So the courage became bold
Tired of being left in the cold
Even though you were a teen
There was destruction of the spleen
While you were wearing the green
9 comments:
Hey Rebecca,
You had a nice use of rhyme in your poem which helped to give the piece a nice rhythm. Your second stanza's alliteration with "craft..carving Celtic crosses" was also effective. The poem was short, but you were able to introduce the reader to many things about your family such as your nationality and religion. Good job.
Denise Bateman
Rebecca,
I thought your use of rhyme was nice, but I feel like the lines should have been more planned with the length and stressed/unstressed syllable pattern to help with the flow. It sounds nice when I hear it in my head, but it sounds different and rough when I read it out loud. I love the Irish and Celtic imagery, I can see the green and gray imagery in my head.
I don't really understand the last stanza. I feel like this piece was almost trying a little too hard to create rhyme at the end of each line, it almost loses meaning and is distracting. Perhaps you could use internal rhyme, or have a different rhyming pattern?
For example, instead of:
AAA, BBB, CCC
You could use:
ABA BCB CDC
Or something like this.
Other than this, I really like this piece. I really love Celtic culture and history!
Thank you,
Claire Smithers
Hi Rebecca,
This is a wonderful exploration into lineage. This is a wonderfully ambiguous and distanced piece.
Why such distance? Where are you?
Excellent use of end rhyme in each stanza.
Also, wonderful use of alliteration with 'C' sounds particularly in stanza 2.
Additionally, fine use of enjambment throughout the piece, especially because, coupled with end rhyme, allows one to read through the rhyme and to focus more so on content.
You provide us an interesting story of lineage, and you do so without making it personal until the last stanza.
This is where I have trouble.
Why address, who I imagine to be the narrator herself, as 'you' as opposed to 'I'? I'm also wondering, why not make it more personal? If this is your lineage, tell us about crossing the sea, sculpting, Catholicism, alcohol consumption, etc.?
This piece certainly satisfies the requirements of the piece, I suppose I feel that maybe you're telling us everything. I'm digging here because I want to know more, as your reader.
Excellent work!
Prof. Cooper
This exploration of lineage is really unique and provided some great images through the description of craftsmen creating Celtic crosses. The rhyme gave the piece a good flow, but that also might have stunted it a little bit in terms of really digging into your lineage. However, I loved your use of the symbol of green to represented your ancestral nationality. I look forward to reading more!
Hi Rebecca, your use of diction in this poem in addition to the rhyme scheme gave the piece a nice flow. I like the links to religion and family craft in order to expand on your lineage and past. I love the imagery you use in the last stanza to show destruction. It was very unique to the rest of the work. I think you should expand in more detail, but otherwise I enjoyed your piece!
Hi Rebecca,
I like the rhyme that you portray and display throughout your work. I also like the vivid and intense imagery that you incorporate into your work. I also like you you state that "survival was a game" which makes this poem more intriguing and interesting. Your poem is really good but it still needs a little more detail that should be incorporated. Good Job!
Deyanira Bustos
Rebecca,
I found your poem to be quite different in the style. The rhymes in each stanza were very interesting. I thought this was a great exploration of Irish lineage, and I would like to have more detail and elaboration of the subject.
The second stanza had awesome use of alliteration with the C sounds, particularly the "carving Celtic crosses."
I wish there was at least one more stanza after the last one you included. I feel like a little bit more explanation of the "destruction of the spleen" would add to the strength of your piece. This was a very nice job, though! Very unique.
I love the rhyme used in stanza, it allows for good flow and its makes the poem more fun to read. I also love how this poem relates to your family heritage. It was a good way to connect your linage. I also like how their is an overall repetition of "c" throughout the entire poem. It not only keeps reminding us of the Celtic culture, but also makes for good flow.
Hi Rebecca!
I really enjoyed reading your poem. I felt like you were telling us a story about the history of the Irish. I mean, that’s how I read it. You created a story with a beginning, middle, and end with very specific details. Your tone was also very matter of fact, at least to me. My only concern here is that the poem wasn’t very personal at all. I mean, I know it’s your heritage, but I would like to know more about it on a more personal level. Does that make sense? I did enjoy you use of rhyme. I felt like that made the poem flow really well.
You did a great job and I can’t wait to see more of your work in the coming weeks!
~Crystal
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