Cooper
CRWR 212
13 March 2014
This Tepid Sector
I like it here.
Its calm, cool, and serene
with the wind blowing slightly to the East.
The green grass glimmers
in the vibrant sunlight.
There are no clouds in sight.
The sky is clear and wide
like innocent blue eyes.
Seven beautiful bare trees stand tall against the wind.
I lay down, close my eyes and feel the earth
beating with me.
The ground is cool, firm and spacious, it relaxes me.
For a second
there is total silence
then the wind starts another musical number.
The wind sends shivers down my back
um I think a storm is coming
but right now I like it here.
12 comments:
Hi Lexie,
Excellent work here painting a very serene pastoral work.
Be sure to use the appropriate form of its/it's, e.g. "Its calm, cool, and serene" should be 'It's'.
Wonderful use of alliteration in the opening line of stanza 2 with 'g' sounds.
This is such a delightful simile: "The sky is clear and wide
like innocent blue eyes" truly encapsulating the tender, uniqueness of a clear sky.
I love how you describe the earth as beating with you, as if you and the earth are one. This really brings into play what we discussed as Hill's intentions through her work, embracing nature.
And then the personification of wind playing music, just beautiful.
Also, the use of bookend lines is really subtle and well done here, making us feel completely embraced by the moment.
This is really a tremendous example of isolating a moment, which is when I find poetry often at its most successful.
Well done!
Prof. Cooper
I just love the peaceful scene you paint for the reader here, Lexie. It really seems like you made yourself a part of nature and did not make yourself a dominating entity. Your use of imagery with "green grass glimmers in the vibrant sunlight" really gives us an impression of freshness, like it has just rained. You also use metaphor to describe the sky as being like "innocent blue eyes", and that adds to the sheer serenity of the setting. My favorite part is the personification of the breeze as an orchestra or choir; this adds emphasis to the idea that you are indeed a part of nature and are in the moment. Beautiful piece!
Very interesting poem, I am curious about use of the metaphor tepid to describe nature. The use of tepid gives the reader a sense of time point as well as could be an understatement. However, I believe you use it as a personification of perfection as there are, "seven beautiful trees." And at the end you suggest a since of a storm coming. This scene is somewhat consistent throughout many works this week so I will be very interested to see if our class as a whole used the denouement of the storms of last week figuratively or literally.
Thanks for sharing,
Jason Faulkner
Hi Lexie,
I really enjoyed your piece. The tone of your piece is very calm and relaxing and this is demonstrated through the use of your imagery. Your imagery is well painted out and portrayed such as when you state "The sky is clear and wide like innocent blue eyes", this is a beautiful simile and it paints a very nice blue and serene color to the sky. I also like how you describe the wind to be playing a "musical number" when it begins to blow again, very good use of personification. Great Job!
Deyanira Bustos
Hi Lexie,
I really enjoyed your piece. The tone of your piece is very calm and relaxing and this is demonstrated through the use of your imagery. Your imagery is well painted out and portrayed such as when you state "The sky is clear and wide like innocent blue eyes", this is a beautiful simile and it paints a very nice blue and serene color to the sky. I also like how you describe the wind to be playing a "musical number" when it begins to blow again, very good use of personification. Great Job!
Deyanira Bustos
Hey Lexie, I really enjoyed your beautiful imagery in this piece. You used wonderful diction, that complimented your use of simile perfectly. I love how you used the sky to compare to blue eyes. It brought out a youthful perspective and made me think of the innocence many see in nature. I love how you used alliteration with 'green grass glimmers'. This gave your piece a slight rhythm and flow. Your piece did a great job at capturing your reader in the moment and letting them experience what you showed them. Good job!
Hi Lexie,
Nice use of alliteration with "green grass glimmers". The simile of "sky clear and wide like innocent blue eyes" is just lovely. I think you set a relaxing tone to your work this week and I can see why the narrator would want to just stay there among nature and enjoy the day.
Good job!
Denise Bateman
Hi Lexie!
Your piece was very beautiful this week! Your use of alliteration, imagery, and simile was spot one. I especially liked this line: “The sky clear and wide like innocent eyes.” The tone of your piece was also very peaceful. I really wanted to stay there all day. It was wonderful. Thanks for sharing this with us!
~Crystal
Hi Lexie,
I thought this was a very beautiful and serene poem in tone. Even your title "This Tepid Sector" evokes a feeling of calm.
In the first stanza your use of alliteration with "green grass glimmers" works beautifully. I also really enjoyed your use of simile with "The Sky is clear and wide like innocent blue eyes."
One thing I very much enjoyed was when you wrote, "…um I think a storm is coming." The use of something as casual sounding as the word "um" brought me into the poem so much more.
Great job!
I love the alliteration in second stanza. It allows us to see the greenness of the setting. Right afterwards you juxtapose the vibrance of the sun with the shine of the grass. It helps us see the how even though the two are so bright they differ in terms of their how they appear to us. I LOVE the imagery in this poem. It is so easy to see what you are seeing. You did well in explaining exactly what you saw, heard and smelt.
--Monique Ahmad
Lexie,
I really liked your piece. Right from the beginning in your title, we can tell that it's peaceful. The alliteration of "green grass glimmers" was wonderful. The imagery you use really creates the peaceful scene. I was almost there with you. My favorite part was the wind playing a "musical number." Great personification there.
Rebecca
Lexie,
I think your piece was really innocent and sweet, capturing the tender beauty of nature. You used a lot of soft imagery and it made me see pastel colors in my mind when I read this piece. I particularly enjoy your third stanza, the personification of blue eyes was beautiful and I loved the seven bare trees. I imagined a wide pale blue sky with a silhouette skyline of bare trees in the winter time. I think it was nice how your first line and last line tie together. Though I'm not sure using the word "um" in a poem describing the beauty of nature was the best choice. I think your title was beautiful and set the tone of the piece well by saying "tepid". Well done, thanks!
Claire Smithers
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