Rebecca Moore
Cooper
CRWR 212Y
Due 3.13.14
Two worlds
Surrounded by the tallest trees just starting to change
With a green carpet below and a blue blanket above
All around birds chirp and leaves rustle
A bug swiftly hops from one blade to the other
Across the way with a destination in mind
Desperately finding his path
Past the trees are even taller buildings
Surrounded by the gray and red of the city
Cars whirr and sirens blare
Each person zooms down the bumpy streets
Crossing each intersection trying to go somewhere
Turning until a place is reached
Right nearby are concrete steps
A bridge between the natural and the manmade
Where both worlds are bustling with life
2 comments:
Hey Rebecca! This week you used alliteration well with 'tallest trees' and 'bridge between'. I really liked the imagery you used and how it reflected a contrast between two different scenes. I like how you used this piece to not only depict nature, but bring in a theme of rivalry and competition between nature and city life. Your use of diction served your purpose well, adding to your piece by drawing your readers in. I specifically liked the line 'Cars whirr and sirens blare'. I feel like you thoroughly depicted the contrasting environments and their societies. Great Work!
Rebecca,
I think it was great how you compared the two very different worlds of an urban setting filled with people to a nature setting filled with animals. I think in your first stanza, it would have helped to have a subject. In your first line, you write, "Surrounded by the tallest trees just starting to change". Who or what is surrounded? But your second and third stanza were very well thought out. You describe two very different settings by using the same tone and the same type of imagery, thus connecting the ideas of the two worlds that you mention in the title. Once you described the whir and blaring of the cars and sirens, I started to imagine them as bugs. The description of the people crossing intersections and hurrying to where they need to go, I started to imagine a bird's eye view of how humans act like an ant colony. I loved the imagery of the city as being gray and red. I think color is such an important aspect in writing because it says so much about the tone and can hold so much meaning. It also helped me better envision the city, the concrete and metal of the buildings with red streetlights and cars taillights. This piece was great! Maybe include more specific details about the imagery to get a better idea of the settings?
Claire Smithers
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