Between
Denise Bateman
Joseph Cooper
CRWR 212 Y
February 21, 2014
Between
With Timberlands laced and Camelbak hugging me from behind, my
trek begins. Sheer determination shines through the bug spray and sunscreen
suffocating my skin. Freedom from the nightmare rat race if only for a stolen
afternoon. Mentally reminding myself to take my time. Patient, carefully
planned steps. Keep my balance, center, focus. What’s that saying? Life is a journey, not a destination, unless
it’s for the corner office. Breathe in the mountain air as I follow the path
past ancient trees with limbs as twisted and crooked as the hearts of the old
men in the boardrooms. The trail is steep. Scramble over this obstacle, scramble
over that one, scramble over the next. An endless myriad of obstacles as I try
to reach a higher position. Always a struggle. The occasional fall. Bruised and
scraped against rock hard rigidness – stings almost as bad as office politics. Get
back up, keep going. Corporate ladders
left far behind me as I ascend the wooden ladders bolted to Grandfather’s side.
Irony. Even nature is patriarchal. Fear of heights versus fear of pink slip –
which is worse? Rhetorical question. What’s that saying? The higher you go, the
harder you fall? Almost to the top, just a little farther to go. I’m tired and
weary, but success at last. Summit reached. I sit on a rock, smug with my sense
of accomplishment, and gaze out over the view. I’m caught somewhere between
earth below and sky above. It’s breathtakingly beautiful. No glass ceiling
here.
9 comments:
Hi Denise,
Excellent example of a prose poem. I love the alliteration you begin with, "spray and sunscreen suffocating my skin" because it helps you slide right into the poem.
Normally I advise against cliches but when you write, "Life is a journey, not a destination, unless it’s for the corner office" you take that dead language and revive it, if only so slightly as to place yourself so unfortunately at work. It really captures Realism and enlivens a tired phrase.
This simile is also such a tantalizing image, "trees with limbs as twisted and crooked as the hearts of the old men in the boardrooms", juxtaposing this beautiful scenic adventure once again with the stuffiness of the 9-5.
Also, wonderful use of comedic irony with the line, the wooden ladders bolted to Grandfather’s side".
And concluding with reaching the Summit and emphasizing the fact that in nature there is no glass ceiling, I think you've really hit upon the fact that social/personal limitation is primarily man made and politically reinforced.
This work is truly wonderful and fully encapsulates the intention of this assignment. You take something so simple as a comparison between nature and city life, but the fact that you compliment it more completely with a commentary on gender roles and further gender politics really capitalizes on how relevant and necessary this debate is, not only to you personally, but in our culture as well.
I really admire and enjoy this work! I hope there are more of these subtle poetic/political debates to come.
Prof. Cooper
I loved all of the imagery throughout this piece. All of the obstacles you, the narrator, face on the journey are both literal and figurative. I really enjoyed your use of the glass ceiling metaphor;it really contrasts nature with an ages-old workplace conflict. Great read!
Hey Denise! Your work was well written and I love the use of imagery and diction throughout. Your comparison of the branches to the hearts of old men in boardrooms was unique and catching. Can't wait to read more. I would suggest to add more specific hardships that have been faced to let the reader attach to you more.
I like how you use the motif of success and the journey of climbing a mountain. The prose also has many literal meanings. It the power of negative capability I don't care how height the mountain is I will not let someone put a ceiling on me. The tone of the prose also is one that is very relatable to the audience.
Thanks for sharing
Jason Faulkner
I liked all the symbolism used in this poem. It was not as straight forward as other poems which I liked. I also enjoyed the simile used in this poem, it added more depth to it. The sentence structure was unique and added more character to the poem.
--Monique Ahmad
Hi Denise!
I really enjoyed reading your poem. It was an exciting blend of old and new ideas and ways of thinking. It was an interesting read.
I immediately caught the double meaning of your piece. You are using this hike as a way to break out of the mundane and do something different and relaxing, but you find along the way that nature itself is a great metaphor for life. Like, the longer a tree lives the more it becomes damaged and broken. It's powerful imagery that was made all the more powerful when coupled with the similes you used throughout the piece.
You really encapsulate the struggles that many people face when trying to claim success for themselves, especially when societal and gender roles come into play. Great poem!
~ Crystal
Hello Denise,
I really enjoyed your work so much. I love the way in which you incorporated alliteration into the piece. I love the emotions that you also include into the piece. Very nice work!
Deyanira Bustos
Denise,
Wow. This is absolutely fantastic! Everything about this is absolutely incredible and works so well! The only thing I don't like about this is that I didn't want it to end I wanted to keep reading! This simile is so amazing and powerful and the powerful writing helps support the idea. I appreciate the various sentence structure and the unanswered questions. You are truly talented with words!
Thank you so much for sharing!
Claire Smithers
Denise,
Starting off as I read, I thought the comparison of the corporate climb to a mountain climb was a tad cliché. However, the more I read the less cliché it was. Your imagery was really effective by making the comparison deeper than a surface cliché. I like how you dispersed corporate with nature, making the two blend together. The occasional short sentences added nice rhythm to the overall text. The alliteration at the beginning was really effective as well. It eased the reader into the poem. Good job!
Rebecca
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