Kaitlin Dixon
Joseph Cooper
CRWR 212
2/20/2014
Bleeding Hearts
Neither now why, how or
when. So suddenly something began. The first sparks led to a flicker flashing
against the shadows. Slowly the flame grew along with romance and hope, leading
to better days. Eventually, unfortunately, the shadows returned. With them came
defeat. Two souls once bound to defeat darkness now face the fate of execution.
Their love and friendship had grown and broken, becoming too much to be spoken.
Leaves fall in their place as time ticks towards the end. Two together, two
forever. None of the hurt meant anything. They had each other then and still
even now. Two hands, two ends, two bleeding hearts.
9 comments:
I really love the simplicity of your piece; it really helps the reader connect with your emotions throughout the journey. It's almost like the relationship has seasons, especially in your description of the falling leaves. Maybe some more detail in the middle to describe the ups and downs more fully, but well done!
Hi Kaitlin,
Usually the notion of "Bleeding Hearts" references sympathy so it's interesting to see this sympathy for lost love especially when that severing can result in so many mixed emotions. But now we have these bleeding hearts, the suffering, exsanguination of love.
Excellent use of alliteration with "flicker flashing". And I really appreciate the internal rhyme of broken and spoken.
I'm wondering how, perhaps, limiting the use of abstraction and personalizing this piece a bit more could encourage a greater sense of accessibility. If you included actually details of this lost love, expose its tensions with reality, I think readers could really grasp onto those tangible moments and relate with their own bleeding hearts.
Excellent work!
Prof. Cooper
Hey Kaitlin,
I can appreciate how your work reiterates that true love is not always all hearts and flowers, but that if its real, it can withstand hard times and make it through. Love the "none of the hurt meant anything" because it conveys the absolute forgiveness of love. Describing the sparks leading to flicker flashing makes me think of lightning in a storm - reminds me of the electricity that can build between two soul mates, the intensity, the heat. Love how you end with the couple having weathered their troubles and staying together. Nice work.
Denise Bateman
I like the allegory of the prose as we know bleeding hearts is going to lead us to a love poem. The short rhymes give the prose depth and the metaphor of leaves and the fall of season is a great use of figurative language.
Thanks for sharing,
Jason Faulkner
Hi Kaitlin!
I must say that I really loved your poem. it was raw, emotional, and the perfect expression of a real, true to lit relationship. No matter how much you love someone that love can and will be tested to its very core. That process is painfully beautiful and you captured that perfectly in your poem.
You utilized many poetic terms in your piece. I must say, for me, the first thing that I noticed was the imagery. It's like your words opened a floodgate or something. It's very abstract imagery, but it's still powerful. It's like you see the passion in the fire and how that can be all consuming and then the darkness begins to creep in and extinguish the flame. I also appreciated the alliteration that you used throughout your piece ("..flicker flashing against the shadows.."). You also utilized rhyme well at one point ("Their love and friendship had grown and broken, becoming too much to be spoken."). I felt like the alliteration and the rhyme together helped the overall flow of your poem.
Your poem definitely tells a poetic story about the trials and tribulations of true love. I really enjoyed...immensely! I can't wait to see more of your work in the coming weeks!
~Crystal
Hey Kaitlin,
I really enjoyed your piece of work because of how simple and interesting it is. It is very intimate and it definitely describes the way in which love first begins and then ends leaving both individuals hurt. Very nice job and you should incorporate a little more details into your work but either way, good work!
Deyanira Bustos
Kaitlin,
I absolutely love this. I'm a sucker for sappy romance stories. I feel like I had trouble connecting with the characters though I loved the story. I feel like if you gave a specific event in time, the story would be easier to emotionally become attached to. But other than, this post was really beautiful.
Thank you for sharing!
Claire Smithers
I love this poem! I liked how you were able to cram so much emotion in such a short piece. I love how you set up the downfall of the couples relationship. It allows the audience to foreshadow the downfall of the relationship. The diction you used is very interesting and makes me see the couple's break up in a different way.
--Monique Ahmad
Kaitlin,
I really enjoyed reading this. I thought you had a good use of rhyme. It wasn’t constantly used so when it was, it made the reader really pay attention. The rhythm of the last line was effective. The lack of many syllables said that that last line was the message of your poem. I also really liked your use of punctuation. The commas forcing the reader to take a pause and think about was is being said was very effective. Good job!
Rebecca
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