Joseph Cooper
CRWR 212
02/20/14
Hitched to a Star
He was all I could see. He was all I wanted to see. He was amazingly splendid. He took my breath away every time I looked at him. He was magnificent in my eyes. But it was too good to be true. He was just like a star. Too far from my reach. Just there for me to admire his brilliance. I knew I could never have him. He was not meant to be kept. He was just meant to be watched from afar. I was hitched by him. I was Hitched to a Star.
9 comments:
Hi Deya,
I am always intrigued by poetry exploring young love, as is what I imagine this poem to be depicting.
You express wonderful control of repetition, and the projection of your (narrator's) emotions onto him.
I do want to recommend elaborating a bit more on this poem. Everyone at some point experiences love, but what about this situation made it unique to you, made this moment everlasting and exceptional? Be sure to provide more vivid details, more figurative language, utilizing metaphor, simile, or various other poetic methods.
You do a fine job in working the prose poetic format, but just be sure to avoid ordinary abstractions like amazing, magnificent, splendid, and instead paint for us the scene. This is what I call a balance between show and tell. Show us with a story.
Excellent work here!
Prof. Cooper
Hey Deya,
I think you did a good job of making the reader recall that feeling of first loves - how you become giddy just being in their presence and how we often put the object of affection up on a pedestal and everything else becomes mundane. I would have liked to have had more details about this person you were so star struck with. What made him so special, and why was he not meant to be kept?
Denise Bateman
I really enjoyed your work Deya. I like the idea that this person who captivates you is actually a star. It seems like a fairytale in a sort of way. Really enjoyed reading, although I do agree that you should add more detail!
I love your use of the star to represent your love interest, as though he is glowing. What did he look like? I'd love to read some more details! Your imagery is wonderful, though.
Excellent work, I love repetition in the prose as well as the metaphors that you used. It paints a very vivid picture of the love that you are describing. However, I would try digging deeper into language. For example, "He was not meant to be kept." Consider, "He was not destined to be reserved." It adds a level of sophistication to the piece when you change the words slightly.
Thanks for sharing
Jason Faulkner
I liked how this poem is explaining the feeling we get when we have a crush on someone we cannot have. This is easy to relate to. I liked the repetition of the word "he" because it makes us see how much the narrator thinks of his/her crush. I also liked the resolution to this story because it was very realistic.
--Monique Ahmad
Hi Deyanira!
I really enjoyed reading your poem. It brought out many emotions while I read it. At first there was a feeling of awe that soon turned to resignation. There was hope at first that led to nowhere, but disappointment. This is definitely a realistic poem about unrequited love, at least that's how I interpreted it.
I appreciated your use of hyperbole and metaphor here. It's like you were saying that winning is love was like trying to catch a shooting star. It's a powerful technique to use that immediately opened me up to the raw emotions of the piece. The imagery of trying to catch the star and the resulting frustration is also powerful. You perfectly described the beautiful perils of unrequited love. It's like it's both a beautiful and painful experience all at once.
Thanks for sharing and I can't wait to read more of your work in the future.
~Crystal
Deya,
I like how you use the title of the poem at the end to tie it all together. I think a little back story might add to the complexity of this story. While I appreciate the simplistic style, I feel like the topic is somewhat simple as well. Maybe give some more details to help the reader relate on a more personal level? Other than this, great work!
Thank you for sharing
Claire Smithers
Deya,
I really enjoyed the imagery of this love as a star because we usually see our loves as stars, as that perfection. The repetition of “he” kind of opened up the relationship to the reader in that the relationship wasn’t very personal, or isn’t anymore. I liked the metaphor throughout the piece too that. Catching that perfect love is like a star but stars when looked at closely, are not always perfect. Great job!
Rebecca
Post a Comment