Joseph Cooper
CRWR 212
2/27/14
European
Folktale Variant: Two Children Escape Mass Murderer and Possible Pedophile
It’s the kind of story that mothers
have nightmares about. Two young children, both siblings, wandered off into the
forest alone and unaccompanied by
their parents or any guardians. Where the parents were during this time and why
the children were alone are still being investigated. The two unsuspecting
children walked into an alleged murderer/pedophile’s home who lured them in with
candy. In fact, there was candy all over the yard and stuck to the building.
This twisted pedophile is an old woman who has been accused of luring children
in, possibly molesting and/or raping the young children, and murdering them.
These claims are still under investigation, though the police have strong
evidence to support these claims.
The
old woman would allegedly then convince the children to eat so much candy that
the children would become obese and, in some cases, cause diabetes. The leading
psychologist in the investigation says that the old woman could have had some
fetish involving fat children. After all of these details, the story only
becomes more and more twisted and disturbing. The woman then attempts to murder the children by cooking them and eating them. The leading psychologist in the investigation also notes
that the woman had possible schizophrenia and possible dementia since the woman
claimed that eating the children would somehow “make her younger” and that the
woman had “special powers.”
Police
investigators also suspect drug use, possibly methamphetamine. The two children
ended up outwitting the old woman and escaping the dangerous situation, leaving
only mental scars. The children will likely be following up with intensive
therapy sessions.
11 comments:
Hi Claire,
First off, this is a wonderfully imaginative piece of which I feel much more can be written.
You provide wonderful imagery and quite nicely elaborate a thought-provoking contemporary plot, but I'm wondering what more can be done. What other details can be added, pertaining to the original, that might be intriguing in this new setting you've provided.
I am skeptical of the extreme nature of pedophilia and why you chose methamphetamine as the drug. How do these details bastardize the original text? Are there other details that more aptly fit.
Also, be sure to keep your tenses consistent. You move from past to present, and I think that because this piece seems reported then it should stay past tense. So be sure to make the appropriate alterations.
I would also consider reducing your story to only necessary details, only moments that encourage an understanding or emotional shift in your piece. For example, I'm not sure whether it's relevant to discuss where the parents were, but more that they were concerned about the children returning safely, something more generic and expected from a news story.
Otherwise I'd love to see more poetic/figurative language to illuminate your details, and perhaps further development on the schizophrenia claim, which I find both intriguing and comical.
Well done!
Prof. Cooper
Hey Claire,
I enjoyed this parody, and even though you introduced some horrible imagery into my mind with the kids being molested by a psychotic, drug addicted lunatic, your work made me laugh just a bit because I think by your taking it to the extremely outlandish side, you effectively mirrored some of the investigative news talk show hosts means of reporting and thereby added a comical sarcastic tone to the work. Nancy Grace? Your choice of meth as possible drug used was effective for me because I've seen so many before/after pictures of people hooked on meth and how drastically their appearances change - sores on their skin and teeth falling out - in essence turning into monsters. Maybe that's what you were thinking of?
Denise Bateman
Claire, I really enjoyed this piece. The spin off from Hansel and Gretel was nicely done. I liked your use of imagery throughout the piece, along with the irony of the woman being seen as insane for her 'special powers'. The diction you used was perfect for this story, and there isn't much that I would suggest. Maybe to make it more like a hit news story, you could shorten it a little, but I personally enjoy the way you have it now.
I quite enjoyed the darkness of this piece, even though the psychological conditions of the old woman are quite extreme. The story seems to lend itself to the extreme. The whole piece is a satire of the cleaned-up versions that we are used to hearing, what with all of the disturbing details about what happened to the children. The complication in the story is revealed when the piece goes into the old woman's mental health state. The image of the yard littered with candy and candy pressed onto the building is a great one, since it builds on the stereotype of the lonely old hag. Good job!
Hi Claire!
I really enjoyed reading your piece this week! I’m a fan of dark writing in general because dark writing tends to explore the dark side of humanity. You certainly didn’t disappoint in that aspect.
You developed a nice plot that was consistent throughout the piece. I also appreciated your use of characters and conflict. You painted the old woman to be a psychologically unstable pedophile who lured children into her home for sick and perverted purposes. You definitely modernized the tale there. In the folktale it was more of a good vs. evil thing, but here it’s more about good vs. psychology ill people which may not be the same thing. Yes, ill people can do evil things, but are they sick, evil, or both? I think that’s the secondary conflict in your piece. Obviously the children escaping was the main conflict, but how society views psychology deficient people is definitely an important conflict in a more modern world.
Great job!
~Crystal
Hello Claire,
I truly enjoyed your fictional story, it was very vivid and very creative. You used a lot of details which created a lot of imagery that allowed the readers to imagine this old folk tail to be something totally new and different and from this time. The tone of your piece was very ominous and suspenseful with all the descriptions and how frightening it all seemed to be. I also enjoyed how you italicized certain words in order to bring the readers attention to that word and focus on it. Another thing that was very clever of you was putting certain quotes from the book into your story to specify and give more detail. Great Job!
Deyanira Bustos
This is a great modernization of the story of "Hansel and Gretel." I think it incorporates many of the new ideas studied by present day psychologists.
The exposition is well written and descriptive. It gives information is an entertaining way. The candy in this piece is a symbolism for the food that we eat and how it effects us. The theme this is poem is very alarming and tells the readers to be cautious of our surroundings.
--Monique Ahmad
The modern day Hansel and Grettle gives the reader an exposition into the prose. I wonder if the prose would have been better told from the prospective of the children as this would make it more dramatic. However, I like how you touch on different satire's, abduction, obesity, and mental illness. It definatley would make a kid think twice about the meaning of candy from strangers.
Thanks for sharing,
Jason Faulkner
Claire,
I thought this was very well done. You managed to make the tone of this story even darker than it was originally. I liked the imagery of the candy being strewn all over the yard, and your literal language throughout was very nice. I liked the added detail of the psychologist helping to diagnose what could have caused the old woman to behave in that way. Could the woman try to get out of her charges by claiming insanity? I'd really love for this to be expanded on, because you capture the real darkness of the original in a modern way.
Good job!
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