Joseph Cooper
CRWR 212
2/20/14
Free Radicals
The skies were hazed over with burnt orange corners, like a
fading photograph. It all looked like a photograph, unreal. We chanted,
cheered, choked, chased. We chased for freedom. We fought, formed, felt,
followed. A woman shoved into me, her elbow knocked into my collar bone, I fell
to the ground. She had blood on her feet. When I looked up I saw the
source of this blood, it was dripping from her nose. She was making her way to
a blanket. Why did she need this blanket? She knelt down and drew the blanket
back, a body laid barren in the battlefield. She wept. Did she know this
blanket, or was it out of sympathy? The blanket was small, the body was small.
She knew this blanket, she knew this body. I could tell by the way she propped
the blanket up. We just wanted freedom. Now. This. How did it come to this?
10 comments:
Hi Claire,
First off, I loved the line "burnt orange corners" not only for the slant rhyme, but the wonderful assonance and musicality of that image. Also, excellent use of alliteration in "cheered, choked, chased", and frankly throughout with the emphasis on f sounds, b sounds.
This is a wonderfully poetic prose poem with great attention to craft and mechanics.
What war has taken place?
What is the significance of a body in a battlefield?
Because it looked like a photograph, was it indeed, perhaps a memory, a dream, some distant illusion?
When I think of blankets I immediately am drawn to security, warmth, comfort, yet comfort is stripped from this experience where the body lies, where the bloodied woman runs to...
Also, "does she know this blanket?" makes me consider the blanket an entity all its own. So does the blanket demand more from us than simply an inanimate object?
Excellent work here Claire! Very thought-provoking!!
Prof. Cooper
Hi Claire,
I liked the imagery in your poem. It was very easy to get the mental image of a battle of some sorts going on here. I wanted to know more about the battle. What kind of freedom are you fighting for? I went out in left field probably, but, the poem made me think of a daughter trying to free herself from her mother's control and form her own adult identity. I thought the body laid barren in the battlefield could have been symbolic for the narrator's childhood. The woman recognizing the blanket was the mother, and she wept at realizing that her daughter was no longer a child. I liked the poem because it made me think and I believe it is open to many varying interpretations.
Denise Bateman
I loved this, especially the way that you have used your words to create vivid images. It is very disturbing, in the most poetic, beautiful way. Like Denise, I thought of the struggle to make a life for yourself outside of the family circle. This is fascinating!
The power of the emotions in this piece is overwhelming. The images you used where intriguing, especially of the woman crying over the body and blanket. The symbolic war and the body of a mother's child beneath the blanket is capturing. Great work!
This war is actually based off of the current situation in Kiev, Ukraine. I tried to take some photographs I've seen and capture how it must feel like combined with personal accounts of protesters to create a likely scenario.
The body in the battlefield is to capture the real toll of war and violence: death.
It looked like a photograph because after the situation got out of hand and became more destructive than anyone could have anticipated, it was almost unrealistic and hard to grasp what this came to.
The body in the blanket was a family member of the woman, and the body was a small child. This image is so significant because it shows the irony of how the people rose up to create a better future, but they ended up killing kids, who now no longer have a future.
I like the deconstruction of the prose and how it figuratively makes one think of the battles that have been fought over freedom. Also your use of metaphors is great at expressing how an idea could be radical when it’s not radical at all. This brings me to the tautology of, “Free Radical”, where freedom should not be considered radical as you expressed in your piece.
Thanks for sharing
Jason Faulkner
Hi Claire!
I must say that this poem is very thought provoking. Obviously the narrator is trying to gain their freedom, but from what exactly? I mean, I get that they are fleeing some type of persecution, but my mind definitely wonders about the details here.
You poem inspired a lot of great imagery. The image of people literately fighting their way to freedom is a powerful one. Especially in the burnt orange landscape that you painted for us. It sort of made me feel like the narrator was fighting against time (the coming night) to get somewhere safe or at least out of the way. Your use of alliteration also helps the images you create become even more powerful ("...chanted, cheered, choked, chased..."). It helped to drive home the point that this battle has been going on for a quite a while and probably won't end for a long time. I also appreciated the metaphor that you created with how the journey toward freedom is very much like a war with open battles being waged and lives being lost. In fact, in the end of the poem it's like the narrator finally realizes this after looking around and sort of feels hopeless about the situation. At least, that's how I interpreted the feelings and tone at the end.
I really enjoyed reading your poem and can't wait to read more of your work in the coming weeks!
~Crystal
Hi Claire,
Your piece was very interesting and unique and I really enjoyed it! I love the imagery and the symbolism that you incorporated into the work. Keep up the good work!
Deyanira Bustos
The flow of this poem is really smooth and I really liked how it sounded when I read it out loud. The imagery in this poem was so vivid I could feel the panic in the narrator and all those around her. The theme of freedom was well portrayed. I could tell how badly the people in the poem were in need of it.
--Monique Ahmad
Claire,
I love alliteration and you used it really well in your piece with the “chanted, cheered, choked, chased” and “fought, formed, felt, followed.” Alliteration allows the words to just flow so using alliteration with the action terms made what was happening seem like such a fast paced blur. Your imagery was great describing the scene but I’m craving to know more about where you were. I liked how you were questioning what was happening, as though you were taking us through your thought process. Good job!
Rebecca
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