Lexie Johnson
Cooper
crwr212
13 February 2014
"This is it Lexie, the last time you'll wear these shiny green cleats that hold so many soccer games, the last time you'll step on the soccer field and it be your second home but most of all this is your last chance to give 110 percent and beat your rivals. Take a second and breath it in." Then the whistle blows and everything after that is all a blur. I remember running to every ball, kicking everything to the goal and scoring the first shot that set off my whole teams adrenaline. I shut down every ball I could on defense. Nothing was getting pass me today! This was our first time in my four years of playing soccer that we were winning against our rival team and it felt great. The time was ticking down and the whistle blew to signal the game was over. "That's it Lexie, this was your last game but the best game you've ever played and damn did it feel good!"
3 comments:
I enjoyed your piece Lexi! I like how you really bound the title to a memory that you held dear to you. I would suggest maybe adding more detail about how the field made you feel like home, how the experience of soccer changed you and about your fellow team mates. I felt like it was very emotionally distant in a positive way, although my personal preference leans toward the more emotional. More details would better express your inner most feelings. Can't wait to read more!
I really enjoyed your build-up to the start of the game; it added some great tension. It sounds like soccer was an incredibly positive experience for you. Some more description of the blurred action would be great since it would help the reader be more in the moment with you!
Lexie,
I love this! I love the action scene, I felt in the moment. I feel like some creative use of punctuation would help create the flow of energy in this piece and some specific details of movement. I love the combined feeling of passion, tension, and sadness. Great moment!
Thank you!
Claire Smithers
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