Kaitlin Dixon
Joseph Cooper
CRWR 212
2/13/2014
One day I went fishing. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Small, chubby hands. I was five. Children don’t understand. My father
caught one. He handed it to me and said “Don’t you let this go”. I nodded.
He turned away. I thought fishing was mean. The fish looked sad. I released it into the water. It looked happy. My dad was sad. He shrugged. "Children learn" he said.
12 comments:
I love the emotion in your piece, Kaitlin! It's very childlike but also has depth. How have other fishing trips, if any, compared to this one?
-Anna Boyer
Hi Kaitlin,
I really loved the staccato rhythm that works throughout this piece, the matter-of-fact statements that pierce us with Realism. When you are writing fiction, even in the brevity of poetic fiction/prose, keep in mind the details that help your readers envision the world your experience. Do no assume that we have the sensory experiences of being on that boat, of knowing the creases in our faces, the gestures, the rising sun. Be sure to paint this image more completely. However, the language used is very childlike, a wonderful mirroring of the time, but even more so, what else might a child be thinking at that moment?
Well done!
Prof. Cooper
Hey Kaitlin,
I really like the short statements in your piece. It does remind me of how a child would describe such an event, and it conveys the innocence of youth. There is a gentle sweetness to the piece, the emotional connection between a daughter and a father. I think many of us can identify with those firsts we learned at the side of our fathers - riding a bike, playing softball, etc. Nice work!
Denise Bateman
Hello Kaitlin,
I like the way in which you made simple sentences in order to focus on one thing and it's importance. This allowed the reader to understand that you were a child because it seamed like small talk, something that children do a lot when they are communicating. It also showed the interaction between you and your father and the innocence of a child as well as your rebellious personality seeping through. It is a wonderful piece, I really enjoyed it.
Deyanira Bustos
I agree with what Denise said about the father-daughter emotional connection in the piece. It's not overly pronounced or sappy but it's definitely there. Maybe you can expand on this piece sometime!
I really liked how you began your story with a description of yourself as a child. The short sentences were very powerful and added emotion to the overall piece. This helped us visualize the setting much better. I also liked the conclusion because it had a moral and a good explanation to how it effected you.
--Monique Ahmad
Kaitlin,
I love your piece. I actually had a similar experience when I was little, and wound up crying and throwing the fish back. I love the rhythm of your piece, and how simple the sentences are. The realistic dialogue helped to understand the underlying theme of your work. There seemed to be a deeper meaning than just a child's reaction to a fish. I felt that you made a statement about growing from innocence to adulthood. I would have loved to have had more imagery to flesh out your story, so I could better imagine your setting. Very good job!
--Keisha Strickland
Kaitlin,
I really enjoyed your piece. I think the brevity of the piece contributed to the power. The imagery of holding the fish in your hands worked well, I could totally picture it, but maybe a little more detail would be good, such as how the fish felt, etc. The dialogue between you and your father gave insight into your relationship, which added depth to the story. Your use of literal language really reflected the age you were during the story. Good job!
Rebecca
Hi Kaitlin,
I really enjoyed reading your work. You painted a nice picture for me that left me with a peaceful feeling. You also made me think back to my first fishing experience as a child. I must say I chuckled a little bit.
Anyway, I love your use of imagery. It's almost like I was there. More details would have made the images more powerful though. I also appreciated how literal your writing was. I could also appreciate the conflict that took place in the story. Your father being the older and wiser party understood how eating the catch was necessary for survival, but in your innocence you saw how cruel the practice could be, so you let the fish go. It's not a huge conflict, but it does bring to mind the conflicts that arise between innocence and experience. I hope that makes sense.
I look forward to reading more of your work in the coming weeks!
Hi Kaitlin,
I really enjoyed reading your work. You painted a nice picture for me that left me with a peaceful feeling. You also made me think back to my first fishing experience as a child. I must say I chuckled a little bit.
Anyway, I love your use of imagery. It's almost like I was there. More details would have made the images more powerful though. I also appreciated how literal your writing was. I could also appreciate the conflict that took place in the story. Your father being the older and wiser party understood how eating the catch was necessary for survival, but in your innocence you saw how cruel the practice could be, so you let the fish go. It's not a huge conflict, but it does bring to mind the conflicts that arise between innocence and experience. I hope that makes sense.
I look forward to reading more of your work in the coming weeks!
I like the symbolism of first catch, and "don't let this go". And the simplicity of a father trying to teach his child and how sometimes we take a different view/path thus releasing it in the water. It captures the innocence of a child and the decisions that we make.
Thanks for sharing,
Jason Faulkner
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