Crystal Fulp
Cooper
CRWR 212 Y
2/6/14
This is a Photograph of Me
Somewhere lays a
picture in a lone abandoned drawer.
The picture is folded
cruelly and remains detached from its beaten frame
Among the other
miscellaneous items that have long been forgotten.
Living inside the
photograph,
Separated from everyone
else is a girl.
She is trapped in a
dark and dangerous world.
She is held within a quiet
and massive forest,
With weathered trees
littered on top of a lush, green maze.
She cannot move without
constriction.
The background depicts
moments of sweet serenity in the calmness of a lake.
But just out of reach
of the promise
She finds both the
beauty and misery of the blackened forest.
Held in her eyes are
tales of great wars.
They tell the story of
bloodshed and loss
But also courage and
victory.
With the edges damaged
and frayed
The picture tells the
story of her youth and maturity.
She is burdened with
wisdom well beyond her young years.
She’s found happiness
within her raging battle,
Among the bloodied and
damaged bodies,
She’s found the
strength to continue fighting.
For in her hand she
holds the answer
She alone can end her
suffering and escape.
The object she holds gives
her the most precious gift: freedom.
She can be anything,
she can do anything
She can even be free
from the shackles that bind her.
From this she gains the
strength she needs to live, to survive, to be me.
9 comments:
I love your use of imagery! It conveys both pain and overcoming huge obstacles. Are the shackles visible in the picture in the form of something like constricting clothing?
I love the theme of freedom and the themes of darkness. Your use of imagery is also vivid and alluring. This work makes me ask a lot of questions; are the shackles literal? Where did the battles come from? What is she fighting? I absolutely loved it!
Hi Crystal,
Wonderful Ballad-esque work here!
I want to first acknowledge your attention to form and detail, how every statement is supported by descriptive details and very literal language.
I think this piece could gain even more empowerment by employing various tactics of figurative language, incorporating a greater extent of metaphor, diction, meter, even depicting more closely knit characteristics of narrative poetry. What is the story here? What do you want to last over time?
Words or lines that struck me:
"cruelly and remains..."
Great alliteration of "dark and dangerous..."
"bloodied and damaged bodies"
This piece seems to lead us to a moment of desperation, perhaps even suicidal tendencies where "she alone can end her suffering and escape..." but then the reader is pleasantly surprised by the strength to live...
What caused this seemingly sudden transition in an otherwise desperate darkness?
My recommendation for revision is to consider reducing your language, cut to the marrow of your intentions here. What language is necessary? What do you desire of your audience to retain from this experience? How can you more completely paint the picture of this experience?
I look forward to seeing more of your work!
Prof. Cooper
Hi Crystal,
Love the use of imagery in this piece! I like how the piece spoke of battles that the girl has fought in dark dangerous places, of being trapped, but how ultimately only the girl herself has the power to find her freedom and salvation.
Denise Bateman
Crytal,
I loved your poem because of the amazing portrayal of emotion. I loved the imagery you used. I also loved how you contrasted the various aspects of your life.
--Monique Ahmad
Crystal,
The imagery in your poem is very powerful. I can clearly see in my mind every line as you describe it. The alliteration of certain lines were nice as well, and added to the images you built. This poem kept me interested to the end, and I really wanted to know what the girl held in her hand that gave her the strength to liberate herself.
--Keisha Strickland
I love the intention of the work, leaves me wondering who, what, when, where, why? The imagery tells a vivid story with the chance at a happy ending.
Jason Faulkner
Crystal,
Aesthetically, I really liked how all of your stanzas had the same amount of lines for it was very pleasing to the eye. The vivid imagery was really effective in conveying such struggles. The imagery really grabbed my attention at the beginning and help it until the end.
Rebecca Moore
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