Kaitlin Dixon
Professor Cooper
CRWR 212
2/6/2014
I am composed of
several pictures.
In one I travel through
a tunnel;
One so dark not a beam
of light could shine.
In another I am
surrounded by sunlight
So bright it hurts my
eyes.
Some pictures show
where I’m going,
Others where I’ve been.
They show the progress
I have made,
And the stumbles along
the way.
Building blocks in the
background
Are paved along a path.
That moves and bends
and sways
The photograph always moves.
I can’t ultimately
explain them;
These images of me.
The pictures are ever
changing
But never really
changed.
Everything is alike,
But just seems rearranged.
10 comments:
Hi Kaitlin,
Here are a few notes about your work:
Excellent use of assonance specifically on lines 3 & 4 of stanza two-
Also, wonderful use of imagery as we follow you through tunnels, along paths, as we flip through ever-changing photographs-
I think it was very keen insight to describe the photograph of you as continually altering its appearance, as our identities are constantly redefined, not only by us, by the world around us. So, perhaps there is no definite way of capturing ourselves within a moment as life does not stop and start again.
Constructive feedback:
Consider, for aesthetic reasons, altering the length of stanza one as it is one line longer than the following two.
Also, provide a more specific use of imagery, a more defining moment that you can direct us to. I think many people view memories as still-life and those photographs serve as reminders along the way. As readers, we rely on authors to give us a destination, and by doing so you can perhaps, widen your audience as those specific details will provide a greater sense of accessibility and acceptance.
Excellent work here! I look forward to reading more from you!
Prof. Cooper
I really enjoyed reading this poem! The use of contrasts with light and dark helped to create an IMAGE in my mind. This suggested some aspects of your personality, both light and dark. Also, your use of building blocks is an example of a METAPHOR, similar to the pond in Margaret Atwood's poem. They could be literal or figurative in your life paths. Metaphor can also be seen in your use of the sunlight and the tunnel. I also like your RHYME in the last few lines; it added a nice rhythm. I am no expert, but I really like the imagery of a heroine's journy that it conveys.
-Anna Boyer
Kaitlin,
Hey Kaitlin,
I really liked how well you explained your life journey in this poem. This metaphor was well explained and I feel like it was very easy to understand. The use of imagery in this poem was very moving and allowed me to feel how you were feeling.
Good use of metaphor and rhyme. I liked how you state the photo is always changing...but, everything is still the same, just rearranged. I felt that by your saying this you were telling the reader that you are sure of yourself, that you have a strong foundation, and that while you continue to grow you still stay very true to your foundation and that some things are uncompromising in your life...maybe strong religious belief or family value structure?
Denise Bateman
Kaitlin,
I like how you repeated the letter "i" in various to allow a focus yourself, as it is a poem about you. I also like how used imagery to show you are always changing and growinig.
--Monique Ahmad
Kaitlin,
The poem expressing that your are actually made up of several photographs, not just one, is something I think many of us can relate to. Your imagery was wonderful. The alliteration in the line "Building blocs in the background…" gave a very nice flow to the stanza. Good job!
--Keisha Strickland
I love the intention, I would say insert confidence here and use the power of your words. It paints a great image of how life has its up and down moments and takes us along a journey of lifes path.
Thanks for sharing
Jason Faulkner
Kaitlin,
I really liked your poem. I love alliteration and you used it really well here. I also liked the contrast at the beginning between light and dark in multiple photographs. You conveyed the constant change really well too using imagery.
Rebecca
Hi Kaitlin!
Your poem was amazing! I really liked your use of alliteration and imagery! The alliteration gave your poem a great flow and the imagery made it very powerful. Was there any rhyme or reason behind the picture of the tunnel? I took it to mean that your life hasn't always been easy or happy, but that you persevered anyway. Is a fair analysis?
I loved how you included that your pictures or life changes without ever really changing. You acknowledged all the little changes, but also that they didn't completely change your life. Does that make sense? It's like you're saying that even though the little stuff didn't have a huge impact on your life that it still impacted you in some small way. Oh, and great use of metaphor in using the pictures to describe your life.
I really enjoyed reading your work and can't wait to see more of it in the coming weeks!
~ Crystal
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