CRWR 212-Y
Cooper
February 6th, 2014
This Is a Photograph of Me
The flash blares bright
blinding all for
mere milliseconds
When eyes regain focus
the picture.
is not clear.
Which is Which,
is it the picture
or the eyes
that are wrong?
The picture has
changed again, and
In frustration they take it back
into the darkroom
Exposed and burned,
but still the picture will not focus
The eyes cannot see
what is not yet there
An unfinished photograph,
colors bleeding into each other
The image is blurred
It is not Done.
8 comments:
I really like your approach to your poem. I feel your frustration with having a "blurry" life! What images seem to appear in the picture?
This is a really strong poem in that the emotions in this poem are well highlighted. I also liked the repetition of the word "eye." I felt it add more character to the poem.
--Monique Ahmad
Really enjoyed this! Your use of imagery to explain that the light, darkness, and blurs in the picture are frustrating and unsettling was beautiful. I really enjoyed how you used your language skills and your thoughts to construct this place to take us.
Hi Keisha,
First off, I want to commend you on the precision of your voice throughout this piece. There is really no wasted language, and that's something that I find to be, perhaps one of the more challenging feats in poetry.
The opening stanza is so crisp. This is a wonderful use of alliteration.
Also, very clean use of enjambment.
I love that you have taken the old fashioned development of film as metaphor for an indistinct present, a blurry future, a life unattainable because of a momentary flash.
I'm curious about stanza four. Who is "they", the eyes, people we have not encountered in the piece?
Excellent description, "exposed and burned", and I love the imagery of colors bleeding into each other to depict a figure, but one that is perhaps always out of reach from your readers.
Excellent work here!
Prof. Cooper
Really liked the imagery in this one. The "exposed and burned" line just really stood out for me, as well as the part of the photo being taken back to the darkroom because it was not finished. Who feels the photo is not finished? Did you expose your true self but not find acceptance? Who wanted to picture to go back to the darkroom - you, or the world?
Denise Bateman
I like the way you capture the image of yourself by using the camera lens and using the analogy of focus. It shows that life has different depths and sometimes you are not sure which direction to take, however, sometimes you just need a pause.
Jason Faulkner
Keisha,
I really enjoyed the emotions expressed in this poem. The focus was a really great use of analogy. This was good!
Rebecca Moore
Hi Keisha!
I must say that I really enjoyed reading your poem. I've reread it three or four times because I just think it's brilliant in its simplicity and honesty. You really did a good job with it!
Now, on to the more mechanical aspects. I really loved the opening lines of the poem. They were clear and to the point, blunt if you will. I really like it when stories, poems, and anything really just get to the meat of things. Your use of alliteration is great. You actually clarified the meaning of that term for me in your writing. I'm a person that learns from examples (not my own, but others people's), so thank you for that. I also liked how you used the process of developing film as a metaphor for life. I got the feeling that the narrator (You??) is unhappy or even frustrated that your life isn't turning out the way that you had hoped, so you go back to the drawing board (you take the photograph back into the darkroom). Is the "blurred lines and bleeding colors" depicting how unsure your life is at the present (or even future) or how messy and unorganized you think it is? I really hope these questions don't offend you, I'm simply curious.
I must say that I loved the imagery that you evoked with your poem. The "blurred lines and bleeding colors" were the perfect depiction of uncertainty, frustration, and even disorganization. The imagery also lined up really well with the theme of your poem.
I also have to comment on how crisp your poem was. You were to the point and you described things without being "wordy". I have a hard time with using too many words, so I must admit that you provided a great example of how to convey a powerful message with few words.
I really look forward to seeing more of your work!
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