Denise Bateman
Joseph Cooper
CRWR 212
02/09/14
This Is a Photograph of Me
How would a photo capture the essence of me?
Complex, complicated, often conflicted,
Yet, an oddly simple creature,
The only daughter of a father who loved me greatly,
But of a
father who loved his alcohol the most.
I still have “daddy issues”.
The daughter of a mother who doted on me,
These days I dote on her – role reversal,
Now I am the parent.
The lover of a man who is my every breath and
thought and desire,
He’s my soul and conscience and reason for living,
Not my first love, but my greatest love.
I am a woman determined to live life – live, not
exist,
Challenge everything as I reach for the stars,
Yet stay grounded to my foundation.
I am better today than yesterday…I grow, I evolve…
The photograph is still developing.
8 comments:
Wow. This is beautiful! Your exploration of issues and role reversal is very compelling. Imagery would be really great here, but your use of the developing photograph is a great metaphor!
This is an amazing poem! I really liked how you used a change in mood to help the reader feel the changes in your life. I also liked the way you told your story and how you broke the stanza's up.
--Monique Ahmad
I absolutely enjoyed this work! I like how everything was spaced and the many different roles you used to place yourself. A daughter, lover, and parent.
Hi Denise,
First off, I want to applaud you on your bravery and the boldness of this work. You certainly have wasted no time exploring truth and exposing yourself to your readers.
I'm seeing, potentially, several poems here actually. Be sure to reduce your thoughts on one issue to one work to start, and then see if there's value in compounding them.
The poems I see are:
"Daddy Issues"
"Doting Mother"
"Parent"
"Greatest Love"
I think each of these topics could be elaborated upon to create individual works all their own. Are there moments that stand out about each topic for which you could paint a picture? I'm sure you have innumerable memories about all of them that, if singularly detailed, could more profoundly be explored in this poetic format.
I love that the "photograph is still developing" the metaphor of life development and the comparison of oneself to the constant fluctuation and transformation of self/identity.
How do we personify this change?
You do an excellent job of stating these extraordinary moments in your life that shaped your existence, but again, be sure to show them to us with details, further figurative language, perhaps even by exploring form more thoroughly.
Excellent work here! Very excited to see more!
Prof. Cooper
Denise,
I really enjoyed the literal intent of your poem. I felt like you truly described yourself, and you were very brave in you description. Your metaphor of life developing like a photograph was a really nice way to close it out. Good job!
--Keisha Strickland
I like the repition of live- live life it teaches the reader what is most important out of all of the things that you have over come you have decided to live-live life and not dwell on the pain, hurt, and past. It has great intention! Thanks for sharing.
Jason Faulkner
Denise,
I love the idea that your photograph isn’t finished developing. One part that really struck me was the line “I still have ‘daddy issues’.” It was so brief and got right to the truth. I also liked your use of quotation marks around the words “daddy issues.” As someone who can relate, I usually use quotation marks around those words too as a way of conveying the cliché that it is even though it really does affect me. That line took bravery and I’m really glad you share it.
Rebecca Moore
Hi Denise!
I must comment on your courage with the piece! It takes a lot of strength for a person to put themselves on the display the way you have. I really admire that. I tend to be a...guarded...heavily guarded person, so I always admire others who can freely show themselves. It's a wonderful trait to possess as a person.
As for the more mechanical aspects of your poem...I loved your use of metaphor and repetition. You expressed how life is very much like a developing photograph. Life isn't a static thing...it's meant to be very dynamic in that it's supposed to change and evolve as time goes on. The same can be said for people as well. We are not meant to be static creatures. As we learn and develop we grow and evolve into greater and better human beings. You highlighted that with your exploration of issues through your life. You start out in childhood as a daughter, then went through your adulthood as a parent and lover. You covered a large range of issues here that really highlight how you became the person that you are currently.
As I said, your use of metaphor was great, but imagery could have been very powerful here. You tell us a lot, but don't show us if that makes any sense.
I really liked this poem and can't wait to read more of your work! Good luck in writing!
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